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Shocked & Devastated

My wife cheated on me

Saturday, June 4, 2016 11:44 AM by Lonely Husband Rating: +27|-10

^{I came home unannounced only to find my wife with another man. When checking their phones the truth was out since they were not confessing. She was calling him home on a daily basis after i left to work. The affair lasted for more than 2 years and i had no clue and no signs about it. He happened to be her colleague. He had resigned from the job a year back but their relation was still on. I was shocked when i opened the door. Never in my worst nightmare did i think that this would happen to me. I felt so sick in my stomach.}

^{We have been married for 7yrs, together for 8yrs. She had no remorse or gulit, no sorry feeling, no tears when i caught them. She left me with nothing not even a proper confession. We have 3 beautiful children, 2 boys and a girl. I had her leave my house along with the kids. Since i work early hours and couldnt take care of the kids. Later i found out that the last child - 1.4yrs did not belong to me but to her affair. Her entire office, friends and community came to light of her affair and doings. She went to stay at her parents place. Even they accepted the fact what she had done and have accepted her and the kids. I guess i didnt read the signs and trusted her blindly. I thought she was a good girl !}

^{We didnt see each other or speak over the phone. It had been a little over 2 months. I gave it time and space. I was truly shattered. Couldnt sleep or eat properly for weeks. I finally broke down. I wanted to see if there was any love in her for me. Ended up meeting her and stated my feelings towards her. The most idiotic thing i've ever done in my life. Killed my self-respect, kept my ego aside and did this. Told her that i had forgiven her and wanted to forget this incident and move on with her and the kids to another state and start over. She denied stating it was over and the love for me that she had was dead. She is not letting me see my kids as well as she wants to distance them from me. She states that the kids dont even remember me anymore. They are 7 & 6 yrs old. Turns out to be a true fact, the kids have been brain washed and did not even want to see me when they accidently seen me on the street after grocery shopping. My wife tells me that the entire 7 years, she was unhappy with me. She said i was her biggest mistake.}

^{I have given this women, my heart and my soul. I truley belonged to her. Gifted her the best i could with diamond on her birthday. Expensive dresses all the time. Took her out on dates weekly. Made her birthday big every year. Allways made her feel special and wanted. I did everything as a husband. I was a good husband as well as a very loving and caring father. I have never cheated her this entire time as i have taken my wedding vows seriously. There were women during these 7 years i stayed married who wanted to have a relation with me but i denied stating that i am a happy father and a very lucky husband. Later as time passed by, i found out that their relation had turned out way stronger than before. They were on calls on a daily basis for more than 2 hrs. Met each other as the opportunity arises. It was all over for me. I was no longer there to stand in their way. The mishap that had happened had cleared their way and now they could see their future together. Just for the readers info, i also found out that her affair was a married man and a father to a daughter as well. But they didnt know anthing about this as they stayed back in his hometown with his parents in another country.}

^{I called her and demanded that we mutually divorce each other in the court and stop this acting business. I told her i knew everything and there was nothing more to see or get hurt with. I had become rock hard in my heart and mind. She kept delaying me on this for over 3 weeks. I had no further option but to hire a lawyer and do the needful in the court. My friends and family accompanied me to have the marriage annuled in the church as well. It been less than 5 months for this ordeal and it soon shall be over.}

^{I dont know how long i'll stay stong. I need to get out from this state of mind and start fresh somewhere. Every time i get some new evidence of her cheating on me in my house i get upset and feel really very sad. I go into hardcore depression mode. Every restaurant, every club, every happening joint i have been, with this women. Every shopping mall, movie theatre, parks, i've been with the kids and her. I dont think i can do this for long. Thought of giving up on myself, on life itself but remembered my parents, my nephews and didn't do it. I guess i didnt have the courage. I guess God gives battles to his strongest soldiers. Am i making the right moves. I love this women, she was my life, my everything, my world. My kids were mine, i was tutoring them to be honest and trust worthy kids. I had brought them up with discipline.}

^{Therapy, Counselling sessions and Prayer meetings have helped me and kept me going and alive. I know i cannot trust her anymore with anything. Everyword she says is a lie to me now. I guess it better to let her go away never to think about her again. But the kids ? I really don't know how to move on. I don't know how to ever trust a women again. I dont know if i'll ever be able to fall in love again and have a life and a happy family someday.}

^{I truley don't know how this is going to end for me ..}

^{As good samaritans kindly advise me what i can do to help myself ...}

Tags: Daughter; Divorce; Kids;

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Comments

Saturday, June 4, 2016 7:15 PM

Julius

Let her be. She did you a favor. Fight for the right to see your kids. Wether the kids want to or not. If she moved out of the state and country you can force her legally to move back. They are your kids.

Saturday, June 4, 2016 7:58 PM

Guest

this is not real

Saturday, June 4, 2016 10:17 PM

Lonely Husband

Thank you Julius for your valuable comment. She states she doesn't want me to have any interaction with the kids. Besides she is portraying to me that my kids want nothing to do with me anymore. They have been brain washed completely. They are very young to understand anything as of now. For the children, i have put forth the demand to the lawyer for child visitation rights but she and her folks are even going to make this scenario not so easy for me. I cannot force her legally to move back as she also has a European passport and has her extended family in London. I think i just lost 7 years of my life and a family that i would die for !!

Saturday, June 4, 2016 10:22 PM

Guest

I think you can divorce her even if you are in different states. However, she needs to be there when you adjudicate over the property. I don't know if you can legally force her to come back with the kids as mentioned above. How would you enforce it? The courts don't have a police force.

Saturday, June 4, 2016 10:25 PM

Guest

hearing your story reminds me of modonna trying to get custody of her son Rocco. But could do anything about it since he was in another country.

Saturday, June 4, 2016 11:48 PM

Guest

I really liked the phrase when you wrote god's strong soldiers! Man, congratulations!! I read all your story, and I felt so proud of you! people like you are difficult to find, my girlfriend cheated on me the same way, when I found her with the other guy in bed, I was so shocked!She didn't feel any remorse for what she had done, and even tried her best to say that he's only a friend. To be honest, when I saw her, I just said that you can have the rest of the world, but you won't have me. and I told her something more, that I have something that helps me heal fast.. That is, the fact that whenever I look back in my life, I know that whoever knew me is remembering me as the good person that I am and is wishing me all success and prosperity in any aspect of my life.. I led her go, because discovering what she was, changed completely everything for me.. I know that she won't even think about me, but I'm also positive that if you're the soldier of god, he is protecting you, and he would pay her back! have faith man, and be proud of yourself.. your kids might ignore you today, but they would ignore their mother when grown up, and when they discover what was the reason they couldn't see their father.. I'm proud of who you are, and I'm happy that people like you exist in the world!forget her, she doesnt deserve you.

Sunday, June 5, 2016 1:15 AM

Lonely Husband

To the Above guest :

Bud I simply marvel at your level of understanding and maturity, despite the hurt and pain you have felt in your life, you are trying to heal others and make the best out of your experience..

Most of the people honestly would not be able to do that. I am truly honored to know you exsist and the impact you had on me is profound. I have lots to learn from you.

I truley Thank you for your wise words indeed.

I know i have to stay strong inorder to face whats coming next. The worst part is that this divorce is very ugly and both families are also involved. I hope what you have said is true. I hope someday my kids see and understand what happened to their Dad. I really hope they do. Till date no regrets from her, i dont think she has any. Fould her old cell Samsung S4, it had a lot of evidence from which one really disturbed me the most. It goes as such to her affair as written by her in a text message :

"C im der in ur life today.. bt den may b tmrw im nt der.. So hav as much fun wit me as u want.. u will nt get ny kind of complain.. At the end of it .. its just a give n take relation tat we hav.. I give u wateva u want n hav taken smthin vry imo frm u... my child ... N u also shud b satisfied by nw.. Coz i hav neva stopped u frm doin nythin wit me"

I am so disgusted to read what she had to write to him. There were nude photos and videos send to him as well.

I did not know this woman at all. The woman i once called my wife was lost down the road !!

Sunday, June 5, 2016 2:36 AM

Julius

I hope you win man. Hope you and your kids can build a relationship after this ends. Who knows what she said to your kids to make them dispies you. It's one thing to leave but to try to take your kids away when it was no fault of your own is pure evil. I'm sorry man but I don't believe you ever truly knew her. People don't become that evil overnight. She should thank God your the one she did it to. If it was me I wouldn't have had your christian attitude. Trust me I would have destroyed her. I won't cry for a women. Too many women out there to cry for one useless whore. But my kids is all I have and if you take that you will brake me to the point where you should worry about your life. I told my wife if she ever gets tired of just say so. I'll walk away in peace but if she does what yours did to you hell will be brought on top of her. She knows it too. Once a man push my 8 year old daughter because he was drunk and it took 4 cops, pepper spray and a taser to get me off him. DONT WORRY HE LIVED. I HAD 6 MONTHS OF COMMUNITY SERVICE AND ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASS BUT HE LIVED. IT ALSO HELP THAT HE HAD A VERY BAD RECORD AND I WAS CLEAN. GOOD LUCK.

Sunday, June 5, 2016 3:29 AM

Lonely Husband

Julius, at the end of the day, i asked her what happiness did she achieve by doing all this ? I asked her why did she break this happy family apart. I asked her why did she cheat, why didn't she talk to me about it if she had any problems ! I told her i loved her so much but cannot be with her henceforth. I told her every move that she had made behind my back had a consequence to it. And her's was to live without me knowing she had the perfect man, the perfect lover, the perfect friend as a husband. At the time i caught her with her affair, i was such a gentlemen not to even abuse her verbally forget physically (I cannot do that and never will to any women). I guess God will show her in his own time of what a fool she had been. I have a good record and am a law abiding citizen. I am known to my entire community as a gentleman. She has lost all the respect and everyone looks at her now only to judge her. They feel it for my kids though when they see my kids along with her. I dont know howfar she is going to take good care of them with the character that she has shown. Hope things go my way. Have applied also for a Parental DNA request for the third child with the lawyer/court. Hope i get to see the light. My mistake was to trust her blindly and i was way to open minded and always gave her freedom. She didn't know how to use it wisely or draw a line. BTW she's 27 and i'm 29.

God Bless

Sunday, June 5, 2016 9:40 AM

Diud

man, I live almost the same pain like you! After10 years of relationship and 6 of marriage and one beautiful and smart 5yrs girl, she cheated on me with a colleague! I found sms between them in March. Since then I live a horror ironic movie! She had sex with him but after I found out about their relationship.

i am trying to put my shit togetger and be the fater my daughter needs. We will divorce. She wanted this. As you, initially I have forgotten her for the affair. But then she went to next level: had sex several times.

I started my blog to share my realtime feelings. For myself so after some years to look back and see how I evolved.

you need to move on. God challenges us but at the end, I am sure we will become better men! I trust myself and I trust you will overcome.

My blog is www.cheated.live

i would love to share our experiences and support eachother along the way. I live in Europe.

Take care man! Your life 2.0 just started!

Monday, June 6, 2016 11:45 PM

Lonely Husband

Thank You Diud for your kind words. I went through your blog. its very heart touching. But i think u should let go and start a new chapter to your life. You dont deserve this pain and definitely not the betrayal.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016 12:03 AM

Lonely Husband

Any more experienced people out there, please add in your valuable comments !

Tuesday, June 7, 2016 8:02 PM

Diud

I am letting her go and try to put my shit together. I am more confident in myself than a month ago. Thanks for your words!

Thursday, June 9, 2016 7:15 AM

Diud

Lonely Husband, let's chat and share our experiences... I think we could help eachother. I feel that I am not alone when I read all these stories ... In the same time I think to myself whether I could ever trust another woman!!

Thursday, June 9, 2016 7:31 AM

Guest

Don't know if this will help. Move on, the trust is gone and regret and remorse lacking. As for future relationships, set the boundaries earlier, tell them why, and let them know the boundaries are deal breakers if broken. There are a lot of people who abide by boundaries, you just found one that pushed it to far.

Friday, June 10, 2016 1:20 PM

Guest

Lonely husband, I am a child of a divorced family (my mom cheated on my dad and left to go live with him when i was about 13) I didn't know at first what the reason for the divorce was but even after, I forgave my mom and knew that i had to do what i could to maintain a relationship with my Dad, because i was forced to move up with my mom and her new boyfriend. Both my parents would talk bad about eachother or complain i guess would be a better word. I eventually told my dad and my mom to KNOCK IT OFF, I am not their friend i am their child and I don't want to hear about the relationship they have with eachother. My point being, your kids are young now, but if you stay involved in their life even if it is through phone calls facebook whatever, they will form their own opnion of you and no matter what your wife has to say, they will see that you are a good man and hopefully your wife changes her attitude so they can forgive their mom for her doing this to their family and not resent her for her trying to turn them against you. Good luck and please stay strong. If you find you are going down a dark sad path of depression, whenever my husband is in a sad mood or myself, I turn on a comedy central comedian like JEFF G. (can't remember his last name, but he is a tall SUPER WHITE funny as heck comedian) he will make us laugh until we forget why we were ever sad. Try something to get your mind off of it :)

Tuesday, June 14, 2016 11:46 PM

Geeky Girl

With time (and it may take many years) your children will discover the truth. Till then just try your best to keep breathing everyday. Just as the comment above mine says, "stay involved". I'm sorry that your having to go through with this. Just give it time...eventually we all reap what we sow. Your exwife will realize what she lost. Stay strong.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016 1:50 AM

Lonely Husband

Geeky Girl. Thank you for your sincere comment. I loved my lady more than myself. My only mistake was to trust her blindly. “I realize it“. I gave this woman my everything, everything I had in me. I am so restless nowadays; it even seems difficult to breathe. The kids are way too small to understand and nothing is coming my way. I may end up losing everything emotionally. I have decided to move on to another state and start my life from scratch. Leave my job, sell of my house, everything! I only need peace of mind as of now and I need my peaceful sleep back. After the incident day, I have been very disturbed and not been myself at all. I have also realized that it was always me who wanted to fight for her and I always have. Hence she showed me in the past 5 months that I didn’t mean anything to her as she didn’t even bother to call me once, meeting would be a fairytale.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016 7:20 AM

Geeky Girl

Sometimes starting over is the best way. And yes having difficultly to breath is completely understandable. When I was going through my divorce for an entire year, "Getting up everyday," was my accomplishment that year. It may sound stupid but only those who have experienced this kind of ordeal would understand it.

Your feelings for her will pass. Again this can take time. The only reason this will be harder will be because of your children. There I can't offer any advice because I didn't have any children with him.

Keep in touch and if you ever need to talk we're here. I plan on sharing my story but I don't have time sharing a novel at the moment.

Keep getting up everyday and it'll get better.

Monday, August 8, 2016 10:37 PM

Jordan

Unfortunately, I do not post here offering experience or guidance. More so I wish to simply express to you that all of the emotions of which you are feeling I understand. Reason I say I understand is because to compare to your story is simply not right, if anything your story makes me feel better by putting my own experiences into perspective.

However, it brings chills down my spine how easy I can relate. I swear to you, if I did not find out the truth when I did, I see myself 5-6 years down the road exactly where you ended up.

I was also told by the cheater that there is no more love for me anymore when I found out. Funny how they can say that but the day prior to catching them they will say I love you like a habit that we foolishly believe was held in the same regard of which we offered our own love to them. My ex girlfriend has brainwashed our friends we had and her family in the same way I feel ur ex wife put the effort to brainwash your kids.

I hope you find your closure. I can guarantee you even if I had the chance (and I would've if I did) and begged at her feet crying and breaking down asking for her back, all it does is give them more power. Tougher than knowing someone doesn't love you anymore I felt was knowing that the person did not even care how u feel anymore. I still think a lot that if I die this person really would not care.

Best of luck and thank you for your story L.H

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