Wednesday, March 30, 2016 11:54 AM by mwf
Although today we've been broken up for exactly 5 weeks and 1 day, I'd like to share my story (despite the fact it goes beyond cheating) and hopefully ease the pain.
It all started last year. After 7-8 years (we chatted very little in the past, mostly greetings) we were getting to know each other and catching up. We'd talk everyday for hours and we were growing fond of each other. She was quickly into me, chasing me and always giving explicit hints that she wanted me. I didn't plan for us to be more than friends but I couldn't help myself. As we talked more and more, I started to ask questions about her personal life, always going deeper and deeper. One day, she was very busy at work while we were talking on the phone and she accidentally dropped "my husband" on our conversation. I was intrigued but I acted like it never happened. Later, I brought that up and she said that their were not married. He was just an ex-boyfriend who'd escort her to weddings, birthday parties, funerals, etc. but I it didn't make any sense to me. I asked more about them and she said he was her neighbour and she'd rather go with him than having to go alone. A couple of weeks later, she still hadn't given up on me and we'd finally spend a weekend together. After a while talking to each other, I couldn't say no anymore because I'd had enough coming up with excuses like I was travelling (I do travel a lot) or something else to turn her down. She was crazy about me and I was crazy about her as well so I gave in. I arrived at the city and met her at a train station near her workplace. We were together and I always knew she was hiding something from me because for me, there were some loose ends on some of the things she told me. She admitted having a boyfriend, she told me how he was always complaining about the things she did/didn't do, how he'd criticise her, call her lazy for stupid reasons and pretty much everything horrible they had on their relationship. I felt awful. I didn't want to be her lover, I didn't want to make things worse between them but at the same time I really cared and felt sorry for her. All this time it was right in front of me, she was always giving me signs that she was unhappy and all but I failed to see what was really going on. When I got home, started to think about everything and I realised that if they were unhappy, I didn't have to be left outside and suffer alone because I was falling in love with her as well. A couple of months later, he found out about us and they broke up. She called me in tears and I was travelling at the time but we'd already planned to spend the following weekend together. I thought about calling the whole thing off but she said they were already broken up and it wouldn't make any difference so there was no point in calling it off. When we were together, she was still getting over things and I probably made an awful mistake by asking her to be in a relationship with me. After she said yes, we spent a few more days together and we wouldn't see each other for the next 3 months in the summer. During this time, she went on a trip with another ex-boyfriend and his mother. At the time, she lied to me saying it was only his mother and another friend and they asked her to come along. I found out he was the 3rd person with them last christmas while I was seeing some pictures on ther tablet. I never confronted her because she always said he and his mother were good friends and I thought she chose to hide it from me because we'd just got into a relationship back then. In fact, we spent christmas with them and their family. A few months after the summer (in October), I found a pack of condoms with one missing and lube on one of her handbags. I just took everything out and started to think she was cheating on me. I was deeply hurt but I chose to hid it and try to improve myself and our relationship. In addition to dealing with her summer trip (there were some loose ends but I tried to believe the story she'd told me), I now have these lovely items and toxic thoughts to get rid of.
In November I found out she was in contact with a couple and hiding it from me. They wanted to go out with her without me and she'd agreed. I'm not really sure they went out (I think they did) but I confronted her about the agreement of "keeping me in the dark" and lying to me when I asked if she was in touch with them. After the fight she apologised but I was very disappointed. That was strike 3 for me and I didn't trust her anymore. I was still strong and keeping the first 2 strikes for myself.
In January, a couple of weeks after not seeing each other (I was away again), she told me she'd lost interest and asked me what I thought about her hooking up with one of her sleazy coworkers. I tried to point out it was not worth it, I was glad she was being upfront with me and I asked her to think about it and tell me before going to bed with him. From this point forward she's barely talking to me and a couple of weeks later they sleep together. She admitted it when I told her that even though we were having problems, I still loved her and I wanted to make her happy. I asked her how many times they slept together and she said it happened only once after we were dating. Exactly 1 week later, I'm still trying to make things work between us and I asked her how many times they slept together. She changed her story and told me it was 3 times in the previous week. I was sad, disappointed and disgusted. For some reason, I still wanted her in my life but the following day, February 23rd she broke up with me. She said I deserve more, she said I have to find someone who wants the same things I do and that she couldn't hurt me anymore. Since then, I haven't contacted her. Within a couple of weeks after the break up, she told me a few times she still liked/loved me and asked what I thought about getting back together. I always kept things cool, saying we'd have to work on our issues to make things work because I don't want to waste our time. In the last 2 weeks, she only contacted me to wish me a happy birthday last sunday and she remembered it. I was really happy but I kept it cool as always. I just thanked her and nothing else.
I still miss her and I still want her to be part of my life. She was the first person I tried to have a real relationship with.
Our relationship might not have worked as planned but we both made mistakes we shouldn't have. I want to forgive her and I don't want to stop being in love with someone anymore. Someone who's in love with me... But I kinda lost faith in relationships.
I have been giving ourselves a lot of space. I haven't contacted her and it's been really hard but I'm still strong. I only reply to her messages and I plan on doing it until I'm over everything.
I apologise for sharing this "story of a lifetime" but I am still hurt and after some of the things I've read and been through, I want to be free. Free from the pain and the sadness. I want to be free.