Monday, April 4, 2016 8:28 AM by Guest
i cheated and i still love him and want the best for him.i did something so selfish when i was so used to givin more than i recieved. but i cant help but feel in total dissapointment about my self because for a while all could think of was that i wanted to start the relationship with the other man i really started to care for him, he was older 27 more assertive, developed, really fun to be around, more confident, really good at his job yet precautios and my same age boyfriend has a lot of fears he is 22 starting his life, really sweet and loving, really good boy who doesnt like to do anything wrong and works hard to do everything the right way, doesnt like risks and is picky about things that arent his way, still makes me feel so loved. I think the problem here isnt that we, my bf and i were having issues, instead that i did not know how to work the relationship when he had many problems, i was not able to work it out and cheated. I just gave my bf so much help, so much caring, always being there for him, many times i put him first than me. but then i did somehting so selfish.
I really though i would leave him when i met this older man i was really liking him and caring for him and he for me. we only met for one week at a trip and cheated the last 2 days.
I am so confused i feel really sad, bad, and dissapointed for what i did to the person i care for the most and love, he doesnt deserve me. i feel i dont deserve myself for what i did. I feel disapointment in me but also in my bf, cause now all of his issues, i start to see them as something he should solve and not pass to me to help him always, all his negativity and problems he brings to my life i wish he could have been more caring to not pass all his problems to me, and i am not asking him to love me more when he has some issues to resolve but just not to pass them to me.
also i saw something in this new man. i can still see it. it is that I dont know what i want. i mean they both have their qualities but totally diferent ones. For example one is colder the other is sweeter, one is nicer and gooder and ther other more confident and capable of doing sometimes what it takes even if it is not the right way. I though i really knew what i want.
Turns out i am the one with issues to solve about myself and being more rightful and confused about what i want. I just wish i could know whats is the right thing to do now.
I guess this big, giant and disapointing mistake about myself is a step into a better me and maybe a better relationship in the future with either my bf, the older man or someone i have not taken acount for.