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Unbelievably torn

Want to Cheat

Monday, August 8, 2016 1:45 AM by Guest Rating: +8|-4

I've been with my wife for seven years and married for three.  She is what many people would call a difficult person.  Bossy, bitchy, and demanding.  In retrospect I should have never married her, but I guess the subconscious feeling was always something like "breaking up will be easier and less painful later on down the road." Well, as anyone with half a brain can tell, that isn't the case.  In fact the opposite is true.  I do have feelings for her and she definitely has her fair share of redeeming qualities.  I really can't stand the idea of causing her pain.  I'm not sure if the feeling I have for her would be considered love (at least in the marital) sense at this point.  

I keep finding myself looking at other women and trying to get as close to that line of "cheating" without crossing it.  I guess in my book I already have at least once though many people probably wouldn't agree.  I met a beautiful woman that I interacted with through work on a semi regular basis.  We ended up texting a lot.  Nothing was ever sexual, but it definitely got to the point where I didn't want my wife to find out.  I cut the contact off when I realized where things were heading.

Throughout my relationship I keep meeting women who make me think "she would be such a better fit for me" or "I can't believe how fun she is compared to my wife."  Also let's face it, even though we have sex fairly regularly, I'm so tired of the same body in bed I barely get anything out of it.

Last night was the worst yet.  As I went out with some of my friends, I met a new acquaintance.  She seemed so amazing.  Stunning looks, a wonderful personality and very intellectually stimulating.  She seems like a perfect match.  It's taking everything I have to not follow up with her and pursue something.

 

I'm scared to admit, but the problem ultimately lies with me.  Although I'm sure that there are many women out there who are realistically much better suited for me, I know that marriage difficult for everyone and a large part of its responsibility lies in working through problems as opposed to jumping to new ones.

Still though, I mourn my life that could have been.  I feel like I robbed myself of any chance to be truly happy when I married the woman I did.  I feel like somewhere out there my one true love is out there and I missed my chance.  Worse off, I feel like I've let my one true love down by not waiting to find her.  My one true love might be the beautiful woman I met last night, but I guess I'll never know.  I texted the woman I met last night briefly today, and in the back of my head I'm already scheming of ways to interact with her again.  I am a terrible person.

I feel riddled with guilt. I feel very lonely in this marriage and yet I feel a tremendous amount of responsibility to honor my vows.  I'm so conflicted that it consumes me.

I think that perhaps I am (and have always been) addicted to heartache for some unfathomable reason.  I have no idea why I feel the need to post this now, I already pay a therapist who's job it is to help me fix these problems. 

 

Here's to the nights
We felt alive
Here's to the tears
You knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

 

Thank you for voting.

Comments

Tuesday, August 9, 2016 4:21 AM
Time for action

  FIRST THINK FIRST. Your biggest  mistake  is paying some  asshole to give you advice when  you know the right thing to do. Leave the therapist  alone.  

  NOW listen I understand  you and have been where you  at. You made a promise  for better or worst  to death  to you part. Keep the promise.  Like your wife mine was always  reserved  in bed and after 13 years I was bored out my mine. It was so bad I was wishing  she would cheat on me so I can leave. Let's be honest  how hurt would we be if our spouses did cheated on us. Anyway  all it took was for me to tell her the truth  on how I felt. Yes I even told her I wanted to cheat. She listen to  what I said and was very hurt. what women want to hear they suck in bed. Anyway  we sat down to talk every  day for a week and found  out things about each other we never knew. She was a bigger freak  then I was and just didn't  know how  to approach  it. We now have a stronger bond with each other because the sex talk open the doors to other conversation. I'm not saying your wife will have the same reaction  but at least  give her a chance to fight for her marriage  and if she truly loves you  it will work out. You might find out she also wants to end it but at least you tried. Fight first( by talking )  and if fails then move on.  Some women are selfish  prude and are better happy alone.

 
Tuesday, August 9, 2016 12:32 PM
Bravo

You wrote a lot of words that basically say you know what you need to do, want to do, but are too scared to do it. And I don't mean cheating.

Don't use your wife's feelings as an excuse. You want out of the relationship so you can live your own life the way you wished you had all this time, but right now you're having your cake and eating it too. That's unfair for you and your wife. 

If you have no kids, it's time to at least ask for a separation, and then divorce. Then you can man-up, and put your money where your mouth is. You hate the relationship and want to leave, so .. do it. Being afraid of her emotional reactions is what got you into this situation, and it's also what's keeping you here. Change something. Don't dance around cheating while changing nothing.

 

 
Tuesday, August 9, 2016 9:35 PM
Guest

dont lower your dignity dude... dont cheat.. its 100% up to you whether your marriage is fullfilling or not.. if not, if your craving more then explain it to her and at least temporarily seperate(her choice too).. if she is a decent woman she deserves to know the truth from you. when alls said and done.. your honor is the only thing thats truly yours to control.. dont blow it away

 
Tuesday, August 9, 2016 9:40 PM
Guest

I feel the sameway your feeling man. It's hard to cope with it. The funny thing is I'm not married. I have feelings for my girlfriend we've been dating for years now but I get where you're coming from. 

 
Wednesday, August 10, 2016 12:24 AM
Guest

If you don't have kids, move out and get a divorce. If you do have kids, go to counseling, work on your marriage and put your love into your kids. As far as the "other life" in concerned - forget about it and make this life the one that counts. 

 
Thursday, August 11, 2016 7:44 AM
MrAnonymus

Hmm have to agree with "time for action" on this one.

Communication is key in any relationship and essential in any marriage I understand how you may feel more matched up to other women. But just remember pressing your nose up to the glass doesn't give you insight into that person it just gives you a great view. These other women are all just human and will come with their own problems. 

Sorry to admit the truth but you need some prospective. Your married. Walking down the aisle was hard work daunting you need to remember why you did it. What made you think ok me and my wife for life! 

Your need to dig deep and try options before jumping ship. You must have loved this woman for a reason you need to revisit that reason.

Im not judging you in anyway it's just to walk away from a marriage you have to visit why you walked into it in the first place

Good luck buddy

any updates are welcome

 
Thursday, August 11, 2016 7:49 AM
MrAnonymus

Ps Guest with a gf in similar scenario dude she's only your girlfriend real question to ask is. Could she really be my wife? It's a hard question to ask but if you have a gr8 friend who can listen it will help you in the long run to just talk your heart out to work out if your just pissing in the wind.

Wasting your time with someone at gf level is not good as a bit of soul searching is needed way too many people settle I know how some may read this as I am contradicting myself but MARRIAGE really is a serious commitment so to either Enter into it OR exit it make sure your ready

 
Wednesday, August 24, 2016 3:10 PM
A wife

I'm a wife. My husband and I are married for 7 years. I can truly say that I'm faithful to him. I wonder what I would feel if I find out that after all these years of being together out of the blue, he would say that his ' One True Love's is still out there and he missed his chance. I guess, I would be devastated. What about her? Oh well, she's bossy, bitchy and demanding. Still that doesn't justify what you are contemplating to do. Did you ever ask her how she feels? Did you ever ask her if she's happy. I pity your wife but do herself a favor. Divorce her. She also has the right to meet her 'One True Love'..you know?

 
Wednesday, August 31, 2016 11:10 PM
Guest

Great Answer "A Wife"

 
Wednesday, September 7, 2016 10:20 AM
Guest

You shouldn't look at these women and think they will be like that in a relationship. Any other woman will have just as many problems as your wife.  You should ask yourself if the hand that you have been dealt now is so bad that you will throw in your current hand and draw all new cards. Yes or no?

 

 This romantic fantasy of the love of your life is just a fantasy. 

 

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