ok so  about 5 years ago i was 15 years old and i met a guy (lets call him tommy). Tommy was so sweet funny and cared so much about me I loved him so much everymorning before work he would bring me donuts lol he was a bit older he was 19. anyway after awhile i got pregnent..At age 15 so imidently we got married my mom sighned the paper cause i was a minor. We moved into a little 2 bedroom appartment and i was so happy i brought my 2 dogs along, termight was a puggle and oreo was a chiuaha  (sorry about my spelling). after a few months termight disapeard and 3 days later oreo was found dead in are bedroom in a puddle of blood.... before oreo died we were headed to the store and Tommy had put some bleach on the floor i sat in the car because i cant stand the smell of bleach and when we got back there she was lying on the ground my poor baby tommy had me belive it was the bleach that killed her and i belived him but i also had hope termight was out there waiting to be found so like any dog lover i made hundreds of posters and hung them up everywear. I eventually found her on a dirt road dead..I belived a car hit her but i was confused termight never ran away that far ever....2 months later Tommy told me he killed them....He said when i was sleeping he took termight out on the dirt road and punched her in the face and took his knife and stabbed her in the lung and he would choke her for the fun of it....And with oreo he shoved a fishing pole down her throught and punctured her neck and she started gushing blood...after he told me that he left for work and i sat in the tub and cried forever. i couldnt belive somone i loved took away what matterd to me a great deal are realation ship was never the same again...my first son was born in june:) we moved a couple times and things started to get worse we stared to fight alot and call each other names most of are fight were caused because he said i didnt love him enough or that i dont txt and call him first and then he started to controll me like i couldnt hang out with my friend he didnt like him so if i invited them over there was always a fight. and he wouldnt let me wear certain things like peircing becuase he hates them and i wasint allowed to get any tattoos eaither. and im only allowed to listen to certain music only country and the gospel..so i felt very trapped i couldnt take much more he was ushualy gone becouse he works months at a time being a truck driver and are sex was just awfull i know thats not his fault and i never took it out on him but i have to say its really hard to enjoy sex when his penis is 2 inches long and i know thats not his fault i didnt marry him because of sex.. so anyway one night a friend came over and we had sex and i loved it i felt like i was in controll for the first time ever but at the same time i felt horrible it wasint a romantic thing it was cashual sex but after a year i ment a man named (we will call him john) After a couple weeks we fell in love with each other and seen each other as much as we could this went on for 5 months and then my bestfriend had told me tommy fingerd her. So when Tommy came home i asked him and he denied but i told him she told me and his face got really red and he starded to get really upset and told me sorry so i thought now would be a good time to confess to him becuase i felt so terrible i still loved him but more like a friend as soon as i told him he started yelling and cursing and made me to be the bad guy but if i mentiond what he did he says that dosent count because he didnt actually have sex with her he imediently got me a pregnecy test...And what do you know i was pregnent...i was 18 now btw i started crying he told me it was ok and he would raise it as his own witch made me feel great but i couldnt see john anymore. but i did tell john i was pregnent with his baby he wanted to come to dr appt but i wouldnt let him and i cut off all contact with him so i could stay with my husband. by the time i was 7 months pregnent Tommy said he wanted to take a break and he went and had sex with his ex gf he told me i wasint sexually attractive and how disgusting i was pregnet he didnt talk to me for a week i felt so awfull you couldnt imagine i decided to call john he was really upset with me at first but we started taling again and hanging out and he told me how sexxy i am pregnent it made me feel so good bc Tommy woul make me cry every night almost. Me and john started hanging out more . But then Tommy decides hes done with are break up and wants to be together again...i didnt know what to do i just let john back into my life..and i was just supost to tell him goodbye...so everytime i get the chance i talk to john and spend time with him without Tommy knowing:.( my second son was born 2 months ago. and im still in the same boat........me and john have been talking about getting married but i dont know if i can part ways with tommy this is all i have ever known since i was 15 but a big part of me would love to leave..... I know what i did and what im doing is wrong i feel ashamed...