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Wife cheated on me after I cheated 7yrs ago

My wife cheated on me

Friday, April 22, 2016 10:45 PM by Not-so-happy Rating: +13|-4

i dated my wife for 5 years and after the 3rd yr I knew this was the girl. Today we've been together a total of 12yrs.  We became pregnant and I put a ring on it. a couple months after we married I met a girl with whom I had a sexual affair for 6 months. This affair culminated in a pregnancy. My son with my wife is 7 and my daughter with this other girl is 6.  I cofessed to my wife immediately and she forgave me, even accepted my daughter into our lives, however it hasn't been easy. Even thou we moved away she has insecurity issues, reminds me on a weekly basis of my infidelity and basically hasn't been a happy person and it's understandable. I put her in a hard situation that because of my daughter it keeps evolving (me taking to the mom, my sister becoming friends with this girl, etc etc) but in my mind we should enjoy our lives and don't worry too much about what they do. We live in Florida and our families, including my daughter are in Philadelphia. I visit my daughter every 6 weeks and I bring her home during the holidays/ school breaks.

 

long story short my wife asked me for a separation 6 months ago and 2 months ago asked for a divorce. 2 weekends ago she tells me she's going to a "spa retreat",  so she went and after doing some digging and looking at her passport I found out she went out of the country to her country of origin. She goes back about every 3 months and I have no problem whatsoever, she didn't have to lie to me! So I confronted her and instead of asking why she left the country I asked her how long has she been cheating on me and with who. And to my disgrace she's been having an affair for the last 3 yrs, mostly emotional but physical every time she went over there. She fell in love with this dude and he has left his wife. 

She tells me she's been preparing herself to come clean because she knows she's wrong. Also tells me she doesn't want us to get a divorce yet and for me to thing about forgiving her and that maybe this is out opportunity to start from zero.

 

I'm not as upset about the cheating as I am about the fact that she has made feel like an ass the last 6yrs because I cheated on her and had a baby.  I know she has a good heart and I love this woman and I'm also ready to forgive  but things have been so corrupted and distorted that I don't know if it's worth it.  I'm a nice guy, work hard, good sense of humor and i want is to be a good father and be happy.  

Tags: Daughter; Divorce; Pregnancy;

Thank you for voting.

Comments

Saturday, April 23, 2016 2:55 AM
Guest

Then forgive her. At least she hasn't brought home a child

 
Saturday, April 23, 2016 3:20 AM
George Lion

Well it's painful. At least you too now know how she felt. You guys should try and start over, and put efforts this time in making things work and healing your emotional wounds together. Both of you seem made for eachother. So make it work.

 
Saturday, April 23, 2016 4:54 AM
Guest

To:  Not-so-happy

 

"So you put a ring on your girlfriend's finger, this after dating for so long, then eventually, she became your wife, and then, while married, there was now some new, exciting news for both of you (a baby), the news that you guys (both),  became pregnant together.  Nice, congrats!  Okay, why would you have an affair with another woman? We're only hearing one side of this story (from you), so what did your wife do to make you stray off your marriage?  Look buddy, having an affair and not being protective (condom wise), of course, yes....  you take that chance of getting someone pregnant.  That's a no-brainer, but to me....  that's being very selfish and disrespectful to your wife.  

 

《 I cofessed to my wife immediately and she forgave me, even accepted my daughter into our lives.》

 

Really guy? Keep telling yourself that...  but in reality, really....  how can a wife forgive a husband for doing this, getting another girl pregnant?  You think they (a wife), they might forgive, but listen....  they will never forget!

 

《she has insecurity issues, reminds me on a weekly basis of my infidelity and basically hasn't been a happy person》

 

She has insecurity issues? Do you know how stupid you sound by posting this?  Really guy?  Yes.... you did put her in a hard situation, but not because of your daughter (duh)...?  because you cheated! Yes your sister becoming friends with this girl, is going to make everyone (both sides), feel awkward.   Everybody within both families, hello, are going to be upset at times (with eachother), but think about it.  You put them in this situation, and that's not your sister's or your wife's fault.  The fault is yours!  Always keep that in mind buddy!  So you visit your daughter, good for you.  That's what a dad supposed to do, even after making this mistake you caused.

 

《My wife asked me for a separation 6 months ago and 2 months ago asked for a divorce.》 

 

I could have told you that she started cheating on you, because, yes.... She was insecure about your relationship and felt bad. She also, knowing that she was cheating, eventually this (affair), this causing her so much guilt, which ended up causing her to feel bad (within her soul), feel bad about cheating on you, and thought a divorce was her only way out of her mess.  That's why she became truthful with you bro.  Maybe she was happy (felt secure), again happy with this other guy? Which is sad, to me, in my opinion... she should have gave your marriage a second chance, especially you guys being together for so long.  But like I said, we don't know the real truth here.  One Sided Story that's given by you.  Sorry but it's true, am I right?

 

《I found out she went out of the country to her country of origin. She goes back about every 3 months and I have no problem whatsoever, she didn't have to lie to me!》

 

Again, do you know how stupid it sounds and looks by you posting this remark, really?  You cheated on her bro, so she decided to do it as well.... but doesn't excuse both your actions, either way.  In reality, you both messed up.  You both need to accept that.

 

《And to my disgrace she's been having an affair for the last 3 yrs, mostly emotional but physical every time she went over there. She fell in love with this dude and he has left his wife. 》

 

Look, she had or did this (affair), that she started.  She must of had a reason for cheating (whether it was good or bad), and  I'm not saying that it's your fault or hers.  Again, this is still a one-sided Story coming from you.  So who knows why she did it.  I'm sorry that it happened to you, but doesn't excuse what you did as well.   You really need to keep that in consideration, if you want to fix your marriage.  She's been preparing herself to come clean?  Do you know why?  Maybe because she loves you still, and wants to fix, plus work on your marriage that you have together?  That's my opinion. That's good bro!  You two need to come clean with each other, and yes, maybe by starting all over, this can, or will, help your marriage in the future.  This can actually bring you guys closer together...  with eachother!  

 

《I'm not as upset about the cheating as I am about the fact that she has made feel like an ass the last 6yrs because I cheated on her and had a baby. 》

 

Now mind you...  I'm going to disregard that remark you made, about her making you feel like an ass.  How ironic, this situation has become...  because you both made each other look like asses!  Both of you grow up! Sit down and talk, work your marriage problems out together... ok!  Good luck brother... I hope everything works out good for the both of you, and the sake of the children.

 

 

 

 

 
Saturday, April 23, 2016 4:13 PM
No-so- happy

thank you all for your comments, specially the last guy for beaking down my story and giving me his honest opinion. In reality I don't expect any sympathy bc what I did its wrong, but I don't also feel like it should be even- Steven. So far she hasn't apologized and today I told her that if she's willing ill be willing to get closer to God, get therapy and rebuilt out marriage and she's not too thrilled about it. I also asked her if she wants to be with me more so than this other dude and she stood quiet. My only advantage is that i provide a comfortable living and we have a son together, but that shouldnt matter. She should love me for who I am.  Call me prideful but i dont take pity. She make a mistake bc she choose to, if she thought our relationship was bad and didnt love me then she should of left me. I don't know I'm just confused. 

 
Saturday, April 23, 2016 7:55 PM
Guest

Dude start getting a lawyer and explaining the while situation to him. It's very high chance you guys will not last (sorry). Try asking her again if she wants to stay with you. If she doesn't respond leave her. Try getting your son too. Good luck mate and keep updating

 
Sunday, April 24, 2016 12:29 AM
Anonymous Person

to:  No-so- happy

 

"both of you don't  deserve any sympathy for cheating.  but you both deserve a second chance in my opinion, but you gotta get that childish attitude out of both of you.  even Steven? nobody said that what you both did, made the playing field even. you guys need to be mature about this relationship, especially if your willing to work on it and move forward, you both made mistakes.  you can't change the past.   you're not going to fix what happened in the past, but you can move forward and make sure it doesn't happen again.   by being open with each other and not childish. if you love her then do it! if you one act.. immature like a kid, then you're going to get put on timeout.. that means divorce. your the man in this relationship, so be the bigger guy, sit down and talk like mature adults.  I don't think this is happening, right?  now if you ask me, it seems like you guys are fighting, arguing with eachother.  both of you can't get along, then sit down and like mature adults (again) and discuss your divorce and visitation rights.  keep this in mind, the courts do not know both you guys (personally), your just a number to them. don't let them decide on the future of your kids.  we don't know your relationship, so whether therapy will work  or not that's irrelevant.  marriage is a team sport.. that means it takes two. so if one is not working with the team, then get divorced.  and to me if you guys both cheat on each other, then it's vice versa! you both should of left each other as well...  but it seems like you care, am I right?  you're frustrated, don't let her see that. be the mature one and if she wants to act childish, then you have no choice but to file for divorce.. but file  first!  at least take that advice!"

 
Tuesday, April 26, 2016 6:26 AM
girly

I think she still loves you. Im a woman and i know how it felt like being cheated on and then forgiving your husband for cheating because I been there. she loves u and even thought her ego is killing her she still forgave u because she loves u and your son.. But it doesnt end there.. Cause it hurts her seeing being reminded of your cheating whenever u visit yuor daughter ofcourse.. Its also hurts her that your sister is friend with this girl because that girl is the reason of her sufferings and unhapiness and she will always be her no 1 enemy. Trust me her cheating is part of her being whole again after all you have done to her all these years and if u forgive her like she forgave u..she always felt insecure because she doesnt really know if u love her because if u did u shouldnt have cheated. This is your turn to show her that you also loved her the way she loved u when she forgave u. I promise u things will get better after this she will never remind u about your cheating. 

I think she really loves you..

 
Tuesday, April 26, 2016 12:50 PM
girly

she has been questioning your love for her all these years because of what you've done.. And her cheating made her realize that someone can love her still.. But that doesnt mean she loves the other guy.. Like i said its part of her fixing her self.. And now finally shes whole again she wants to start over with you. She loves you cause if she didnt she would have not accepted your daughter into the family knowing it will always reminds her of the cheating..when she reminded you bout your cheating before she was hurting..she was just asking you to confort her and wants you to reasure her that you love her..

 Dont listen to advices that makes you angry . Cause separating will just make things worst for u and the kids.. Its not the question of who win or lose.If you both give up on this you both lose.you'l just deprive yourselves and your children of a complete and happy family.

we always forget that true love means loving a person more than yourself and loving that person unconditionally.

In the end think about your family think about your love for each other, think about your son and your family.. 

 
Wednesday, April 27, 2016 1:42 PM
Guest

When I first met my wife I was just getting over a tough breakup , I got cheated on and it ended bad .. Now enters my wife , I met her and she was perfect , she was sweet and treated me good , she was also going trough a break up with the father of her son.. She opened up to me about lots of personal issues between her and her ex, like for example he had left her in one state with their son  and left to another to find a career (which btw still hasn't found 6 yrs later)and she cheated on him with more than one guy it was over the period of a yr then tried to go back with him but it didn't work when he found out she cheated . Well I was still infatuated with her she was beautiful and I gave our relationship a chance( normally I would have stayed away from someone who was a chronic cheater).. I still had a bad attitude about relationships at this point and the girls between my ex and her I just used to pass time.. There was this one girl I kept on the side no emotions just a physical thing, I guess this made me feel like I wasn't falling to hard for my now wife. I kept telling myself that my new gf (now wife ) was too good to be true and I guess I was preparing myself for when she left me and or cheated.. I know this was stupid and I really can't explain why I cheated over the span of two yrs it was probably 10 times , but she didn't leave and we got more serious , she was perfect or so I though , she caught me about 6 months after the cheating stopped and by this point we had a daughter and I was raising her son like my own.. After fighting and arguing and her telling me that she was gonna get revenge and sleep with a friend she had back in her hometown ( which she went back home after finding out ) I found msgs and text , pics to this guy but I expected it and I wasn't that angry because I was still in sorry mode so I forgave her and believe her to this day she says she didn't go through with sleeping with him(I contacted the guy and he also says they didn't sleep together , he admitted to trying to see her when she was in town but my wife turned him down)she also confessed without me asking that she was on Ashley Madison but again didn't do anything physical , again I believe her ..  I know I feel kinda nieive for believing but I kinda do believe her .. So i flew to get her and my kids and she came back to live with me again.. This was 3yrs ago.. I knew my wife was unhappy and thought about my cheating still.. Well last month now together 5.5 yrs , I noticed my wife doing things that were disrespectful almost seemed like doing them just to get me angry. She's a stay at hm mom and I wk all day , she would online shop and spend alot, leave house really dirty and just not seem like a happy wife .. One day I came home and I started to argue about money and looked at cpu history , well I saw that she msgd the guy she almost cheated on me with, nothing crazy just hi , how's ur life been? She said she never talked to him after I got her from her hometown until that msg.. I don't know if I believe that but he's across country so I'm not that worried , they were friend for along time before me.. Now what does concern me is without me asking she admits to getting on websites again, she said she didn't like the nastyness of Ashley Madison or adult friend finder , so she used one for actual dating . After I saw the msg to the guy across country I was pissed and threatened to leave her and the family ( now another baby involved 3 total) i told her no more lies and she told me about this new guy from the website in the town we are in. Again she said it was just on cpu and never met up but they exchanged numbers and planned on meeting . I also contacted this guys and he says same thing . She was only on site for one day I saw the receipt online but she said she admitted it To me because she thought she was actually gonna go through with it and once she saw me really about to leave for the other guy and money she didn't want to lose the family and what we have . She also admitted to me that when we first met (first month ) she slept with her ex( sons dad ) she said she knew she didn't like him or want to be with him anymore and he didn't with her but it was a one last time thing she says to prove she didn't feel for him anymore cause she knew she was liking me. I'm sorry for the long story but I was just thinking how my story sounded like this one ... We are currently still together and she Says she never actually cheated and was just doing it to get back at me , but I'm having a hard time .. Should I trust her that she didn't actually cheat or even if she did get over it because I did it first .. Has she lost all respect for me and will keep trying to get me back??? We have 2kids together and a third I'm raising as his dad is no longer in picture and I love my family and I love her , I regret what I did to her early in relationship but does this justify her trying to get even ?? She says almost losing me opened her eyes and she doesn't want to cheat  but I think if a women wants to the want to cheat doesn't go away that easy, btw we have a great sex life and she swears up and down it wasn't about wanting just sex she said she was looking for someone nice and new, the feeling from a new person . I don't know what to believe , should I believe her and give her a chance or give up !

 

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