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Wife cheated on me while I was over seas

My wife cheated on me

Wednesday, September 23, 2015 10:18 PM by Caleb Rating: +32|-31

While in the middle of a deployment I get a email from my wife saying shes leaving and taking our daughter to Tx. It was a shock to me because I thought our marriage was healthy, our sex life was great, we have always loved eachother. Things started tumbling downhill from there. She got in a relationship with her ex boyfriend and brought him to our house in GA to help her pack her things. My mother and little sister were staying there and she threw them out with nowhere to go. The rest of deployment I was struggling to make sure my bills were getting paid, and I was planning on divorce. 

I get back from deployment, still not home yet. On an island in the middle of nowhere. I call my wife to see if she needed anything for our daughter and she broke down in tears. She said she was sorry for hurting me, she wants our family together. 

I decided I was going to try to give her another chance, even though I am haunted by the images in my head of them two together. The first thing I wanted her to do was to remove that guy from her life. I feel like if she really wanted things to work between us she would of done that herself, better yet not make it as difficult as it was. She was still calling/texting him after she said she was done with him. Now he is blocked from her phone/facebook. Deep down inside of me I feel like theres something else. 

She told me they only had sex once. She got "smoked out" or high you could say for her first time and she cant recall exactly what happened or if she dreamt it. After a couple of days and im still on this island she decides to tell me shes putting our daughter down to sleep and then getting drunk. I told her I was no comfortable with this but she did it anyway. Now I'm stuck here wondering what the fuck happened. I'm supposed to be seeing her in person in about 5 days when I fly back to GA. 

I am not sure what to do here. The way we used to be, our memories we share, is great. My daughter isn't even one yet, I want to be there for her. I want to make things work, but I dont know if I can. I also don't want to lose my daughter. I wouldn't try to take our daughter away from her, but I would atleast like joint custody if this goes south. She's telling me constantly right now that she is not good enough for me or our daughter, that she is a wreck and for me to take our daughter from her, while shes getting drunk underage (she's 20). Along with getting high, not financially stable. 

So my reasoning of wanting to stay with her is not that i'm afraid of losing my daughter. I feel like if it came down to it I could get joint atleast. But I want our family back together the way it used to be. I do hold her accountable for cheating on me. Along with that though, shes Bipolar and does not take medication and she has that post-pregnancy depression disorder thing. Hopefully if we can get past all this we can live our lives the way we always dreamed of. I just want some peoples opinions on what I should do. Please don't mention anything about swinging or having an affair with someone to get even. I'm not into either of those things. I just want whats best for me and my daughter.

Tags: Custody; Divorce; Long Distance Relationships; Pregnancy;

Thank you for voting.

Comments

Thursday, September 24, 2015 10:58 AM
Guest

Do whatever is in the best interest of your daughter and for you. She has betrayed you, always know that is fact, it happened. She in my opinion is  or seems not mature enough to take on these real world problems that carry real world consequences. Ball is totally in your court, good decisions are usually based on logical reasoning.I had to mak a decision about a similiar situation I was dealing with so I understand and know what you still have to face, stay sober and keep your chin up !

 
Thursday, September 24, 2015 12:17 PM
Guest

If you really want to reconcile, she needs to be truely remorseful (and not just sorry she got caught) tells you the whole truth, agrees to no-contact with the other man, allows you full access to emails, chats, telephone - everything. Also, you should put a VAR in her car to make sure she is being hobnest. Bear in mind though that once a woman cheats, there is a 70% chance that she will cheat again. I'd recomend divorce.

 
Friday, September 25, 2015 3:42 AM
Guest

It sounds like you two are kids, no offense. You need to stablize your lives for your own sake and the sake of your daughter. As far as your wife is concerned, you can divorce anytime you feel like it, so don't be in a rush. Get her to a doctor, have her screened for physical conditions and mental conditions and STD's. Then get her the appropriate treatment. Do this if only because she is the mother of your child. Get counseling to help you determine what you want in life and what you are willing to do to get it. If you are going to stay with her, decide what kind of life you want with her, make sure she is on board with that, then both of you commit to it. If you chose this path, let the past be the past. Do not forget but do not bring it with you into part 2 of your marriage. The military is a hard life on young wives. Both of you really need strong family support to get through this. If you don't have it, use counselors, and good upstanding role models that you both admire. Most successful couples will be happy to share the skills they have learned throughout their marriage. Just make sure that you know who you are talking to. Best wishes, hang in there and mantain your self respect and honor as you conduct yourself through this trial. 

 
Thursday, October 1, 2015 4:15 AM
Guest

Kick the bitch out of your house.. she is a slut, a whore. don't you dare to give her a second chance...

 
Friday, October 9, 2015 5:23 AM
Guest

Hello,

 

Caleb get your daughter and move on man (full custudy) not trying to be negative here because I believe we all makes mistakes and should be given a second chance, that was shame on her, you showed mercy, obviously she don't believe in that; so now she's taking your kindness for weakness you have to let her go bro she's not ready yet your daughter doesn't need to be around the smoking and drinking either because that little one is sucking up everything she does because thats what kids do, thats how they learn I wish you luck bro she's not ready move on please.

 
Sunday, October 18, 2015 12:53 AM
Guest

Listen brother. I'm in the military as well. My wife is staying at some other dudes house right now. And I know that. There ain't shit to work on. That thought is going to constantly run through your mind. You can find someone better someone that won't make you feel the jealousy or the wonder. If you can't trust her you can't be married to her. My wife and I just decided tonight that we're getting a divorce and yeah Im

Inot very happy about it but deep down I know it's probably for the best.

 
Monday, February 1, 2016 7:09 AM
Guest

Bruh, ditch it! My wife cheated on me with one of my battle buddies while he was on a different leave rotation. When I got home, I tried to hold my family together, but the lack of trust will rip you apart. Trust me! I missed out on a lot of great chances while struggling to hold my family together. You need to be happy, to make your kid happy! Just deal with the short term pain for the long term gain!

 
Monday, February 1, 2016 9:36 AM
Guest

Sounds like she wants to have fun. She doesn't want to be a mother or a wife. I suggest keeping all of her texts saying she was going to get drunk. In the event that you have to fight for your daughter, you need something. It may be inadmissible though as I'm not a lawyer or even in the legal profession. I think you need to seek legal advice. If your wife is getting high and drinking, your daughter is in harms way. If you know about this and don't do anything, I would think they could charge you with something as well. She is mentally unstable if she's not on her meds. How long are you willing to stay and fight the good fight? People with mental illness need constant care. She's become another child for you to take care of. I would also suggest that you use proper birth control. If she doesn't take meds regularly then I'm willing to bet she won't take that regularly either. And adding another innocent life into the mix isn't going to help. You have to be the grown up now. You need to sit with a counselor. Let someone who is trained and unbiased help you out. PTSD is also a real thing. Don't let this stress cause you to break. Thank you for serving and risking your life for our freedoms! 

 
Sunday, April 10, 2016 10:05 PM
MindOverHeart

I wonder how this worked out.

 

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