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Wife cheated with coworker

My wife cheated on me

Monday, April 25, 2016 10:36 PM by Guest Rating: +11|-6

So I'm a guy with a lot of hobbies. I have a lot of friends both guys and girls, but for some odd reason bachelor party's and grooms suites have always been a place that I felt at home. I think this is part of why I love my hobbies so much. Generally, they are time out with the boys. There's something about shot gunning a beer, spinning 5 times around a 9 iron and racing across a field of cacti against one of the boys that makes you forget how serious life really is for a few minutes.

 
Let's take another look into me: I am 25, have a great high paying career that I am passionate about, I love my God and family is the most important principle in existence. I am also recently divorced...from my life time sweet heart that I met at church during middle school. We dated in high school but broke up for many reasons. We both went off to enjoy our high school lives as friends and eventually left for college where we experienced and learned all of the things that a young single co-Ed might experience or learn in college. With that being said, we hung out one time over Christmas break my sophomore year of college and had sparks at first sight. (Little did we know, we were both rebounding off of flings that ended badly for the both of us.) After that first night over Christmas break, we all but moved in with each other immediately. It was basically just a blur of swedka, parties and sex. literally. for days on end.  Things were simple, neither one of us had any serious inclinations towards school or careers and we pretty much lived for good times with each other. Fast forward a few years of actually living together, I have graduated, proposed, landed my dream job, worked two years of an awesome internship and am waiting for my bride to be to walk across the stage with honors and tons of job prospects as an elementary school teacher. At this moment, I realize that we would be getting married exactly 14 days after this moment.
 
To keep a long story long, we had the biggest over the top wedding you can imagine: 400 people, a 22 member bridal party, over a year of stress, $80,000 and a week long honeymoon in Mexico waiting for us on the other side. We would come home from Mexico to close on our first home together, a new 3200 square foot beauty 5 minutes from our families and the homes that we grew up in-the perfect place to start a family in. Our days were spent planning our next vacations, picking out kids names, going to the lake on our boat and hanging out with our awesome group of friends who were all married around the same time that we were(hence my likeness to grooms parties.) We had what all young married couples want- couple friends who were always down for a new adventure or shenanigan; people to share the trials and tribulations of being young and married with. We had the world by the short and curlies and had the Instagram pics to prove it. What could possibly go wrong you might ask?
 
After a year and a half of marriage, she was starting a new semester at school, I was gearing up for peak season at my job, we were both working 60 hour weeks and not making time for each other during the week. Ever since I was a little kid, my hobbies were always my stress reliever. So naturally when the weekend would come, I would always want to plan duck hunts, mountain bike days or day trips to the track to ride dirtbikes. I would always be polite and ask my wife if she had anything planned before I would make plans for my hobbies-I thought that I was being a good husband by asking her before I made plans. In reality what I thought was polite was taken as something more along the lines of this: "do you have something planned? If you do I'll come but I'd much rather go do man stuff with the boys".... Of course I didn't realize this until it was too late.
 
Fast forward to November 2015. I am laying on the couch waiting to have surgery in the coming days after a motocross accident the weekend before. It is getting late and my wife is still not home from work with dinner and fresh ice for my cold therapy machine. I am depressed as I could tell after my injury took me out of work and out of my hobbies that my wife was emotionally checked out of our relationship. When she came home, I told her that she was really making me sad and that I wanted to know what was wrong so that I could fix whatever was wrong. It was at this point that she told me that she no longer loved me, that she didn't think she ever could love me again and that she wanted to go learn to be independent and pay bills all on her own. People reading this should know that my wife lived an extremely sheltered life as an only child with a dad that loved her far more than he loved himself(she did not know how to pump her own gas until 3 months into our marriage; this threw up major red flags in my mind before marriage but I pushed them to the side because she was the girl I had dreamt of my whole life. Literally.)
 
Disclaimer: this sounds like I neglected her a lot, readers should know that we did go out to eat 5 nights a week and spent every moment that I wasn't working or riding together. We had our nightly ritual of eating dinner then coming home and singing and dancing in the shower before crawling into the bed to binge on our chosen show of the month. While I could have spent more time with her, that wasn't the issue. In my eyes, our life was absolutely perfect in every way all the way up to the night that she broke the news to me that she wanted out.
 
The next three months would be the toughest of my entire life up to that point. I was glued to the couch due to surgery (or depression, I'm not totally sure, the line got pretty blurry around Christmas), my wife was living at her parents house and I was all alone in our house that we bought together, surrounded by wedding photos, cute pillows with our wedding date and reminders everywhere that I was absolutely alone. I would skip church because I couldn't bare all of the questions from the congregants about "how is that beautiful bride of yours?" I spent these months talking with our pastor, her dad, my dad, my brothers, my boss and everyone in my life that I respected. She shut all of her friends out of her life and devoted all of her time to school and after school programs.
 
I built up a lot of resentment over the fact that she was living with her parents in a loving home where she had a dog, parents, warm meals and free laundry service while I was stuck at our home alone waiting for her to make her mind up about whether she wanted to try to make it work or file for divorce. She said she moved out so she could see if she missed me or not, but how could she really know if she missed me or not if she was in a comfortable place where her parents were taking care of her every need. I still believe that if she would have been in my situation, we wouldn't have been in limbo for 3 months and that we would more than likely still be together today. I take full responsibility for the issues that I caused in our relationship but the pain that she put me through for those three months was something that I didn't think that I could forgive.
 
A big part of the problem was an idea in her head that she could find a better life elsewhere; that she could be married to someone else and be deeply in love each and every minute of every day. The Nicholas Sparks kind of thing. Now I'v only been married once and it wasnt like a fairy tale most days so I can't speak here with certainty but I can tell you this- from the outside looking in on other marriages, no one has that. If you are single while your reading this and think I'm wrong, see our Facebook/Instagram/wedding pics then come back and see me. The grass always looks greener and that's part of what made this whole process so hard. From the outside, our grass was the greenest and everyone we knew believed it. It was so green that even I, in my ignorance believed it too. My wife didn't come with an owners manual, I tried to learn everything on the fly and over 6 years we were together thought I was pretty successful right until I realized that I apparently wasn't.
 
Maybe my situation is extremely unique. Maybe I really was delusional to believe that the life we were leading was real. Maybe she just lost her mind and things weren't as bad as I feel they must have been in hindsight. But I can tell you this: having the one person who knows you better than anyone in the world tell you that they no longer want to be a part of your life is absolutely far and out the most devastating pain that I have ever felt in my 25 years on earth. Situations like this are why guys end up like Barney Stinson.(if you don't know who that is, please turn on any wifi enabled device, slap yourself in the face and find out.)
 
 
There are a few lessons that I learned through this process that I feel obliged to share with other people in hopes that they may avoid having half of their life and self image being cleavered away from their being when they are in their so-called "prime.":
 
Guys-
-Love your women-let them know that they are the most important thing in the world. This can't be done with words alone or cheap thoughtfulness like leaving notes in their car for them to read when they leave for work. It is done with your time. Date your wives. Don't say "date night" then ask what she wants to do. Listen to her and know something that she would enjoy based on what you learn about her and plan something. Then say something like "date night tomorrow night. Don't make plans, dress warm etc..." Hell, you can even write that on one of your sweet nothing notes you leave in her car for extra points but the important thing is to give her your time before you give it to your personal outlets and that you show her that your listen to her when she talks about her desires.
-Value her opinion- in my situation, my wife had never paid a bill once in her life or gassed up her own car prior to our marriage. Because of that, when it came time for finance, I subconsciously blew her off. What I thought was me taking over duties to make us better actually came off to her as "your stupid so I will deal with it."
-stop with the porn
 
Girls-understand that guys aren't like girls when it comes time for hobbies. Little girls play with doll's and play house growing up. So marriage is exactly what little girls dream of as kids. Boys play baseball in the yard, ride bicycles, go on hunting trips with their dads. This doesn't mean that you need to find a boy that played house a lot growing up, it just means that you need to understand his need for hobbies; they challenge him, scare him at times, give a sense of adventure and and something to work on for the sake of accomplishing something that isn't a career requirement.
 
Everyone: stop having these big stupid weddings. Go alope on the beach with your family and your pastor. I promise, the perfect dresses and flower arrangements aren't going to make your wedding last any longer than it should. See the December 2015 edition of the Knot where you can find Mary and I's wedding featured. It was a blast, don't get me wrong but it was 80 grand spent on one day with people that we still haven't seen since he wedding.
-love yourself above all. Part of why I was so blown away by this whole situation was because I genuinely was happy
 
 
In the mean time, I'm gunna go back to my newly acquired pin ball machine that resides in the living room of my new downtown condo with my IPA of choice and my camo crocs; there are some perks to being single again. Good luck to those of you who still have your eyes set on a huge "knot-worthy wedding" and fairy tale marriage. I sincerely hope that it works out for you. Any single lady's that would like to show me what true love looks like, please feel free to email me at [email protected]
Get some.👊🏻
 
The above story was what I accepted for 5 months. I found at yesterday she had an affair and got pregnant. Fucking skank broke me.
 
 

Tags: Divorce; Kids;

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Comments

Tuesday, April 26, 2016 5:57 AM
B

So did you get a divorce? I don't know what state you live in, but the law may determine that you are the father if you are still married. If so, that may mean child support. If you do get a divorce and assuming you haven't already, you probably will pay spousal support unless you have a prenup that says otherwise.

 
Tuesday, April 26, 2016 11:44 AM
Guest

She aborted the baby in hopes of covering the whole thing up and working things out. We are working on a divorce right now, iv had the papers drawn up for 2 months but have been reluctant to file because I was trying to find a way to take her back prior to the news about the affair. I live in Texas btw, are you an attorney?

 
Tuesday, April 26, 2016 12:46 PM
Guest

That sucks man. That woman is stupid as fuck. She sounds totally useless and has no respect for you at all. You are good in leaving her she doesn't deserve you. There is someone else waiting for you out there. Good luck man and keep updating. 

 
Tuesday, April 26, 2016 8:49 PM
B

I'm not an attorney. I am about to graduate law school though and interested in family law and the same age as you. The best thing I can say is to see an attorney if you haven't. The la is not the same for every state. Anyway, I wouldn't throw divorce or reconciliation off the table. And I wouldn't make any life changing decisions if I was emotionally unstable. Have you checked out the surviving infidelity website. I think it would be of great help.

 
Tuesday, April 26, 2016 10:59 PM
Guest

Yeah man idk if you read the whole story or not but I'm for sure done with her. She's livin with the dude right now because I told her to fuck off after she told me about the affair and pregnancy. Divorce is gunna happen.

 
Wednesday, April 27, 2016 7:09 AM
B

Alright. At times like this, having support is important to move past this. Btw Does anyone else know about this? Like her family or friends? 

 
Wednesday, April 27, 2016 7:09 AM
Guest

She will try to take as much from you as she cans. Prepare yourself. If the house is in your name sell it to a family member that you trust for $1. Do that with all your possessions in your name. Take all your money from the bank and put it in a deposit box or another account that she doesn't know. Give her nothing because she deserves nothing. Good luck my friend and keep updating.

 
Thursday, April 28, 2016 4:21 PM
Guest

A ton of people know about it. We already sold the house before I found out bout the affair. I already gave her half of everything. I already had papers drawn u and I'm gunna stick to them. I don't wanna deal with this any longer than I have to. It's been a mind fuck for 6 months as it is. Found out from this guys wife that he is living in my wife's apartment right now. 

 
Friday, April 29, 2016 4:12 AM
Guest

is she asking for reconciliation?

 
Saturday, April 30, 2016 3:05 AM
Guest

First, it's great that you have learnt something from this painful experience and I want to take my hat of to you! Breakups are one of the hardest things to experience so many many props to you.

 

Secondly, from a girls opinion, she should have told you how she felt, so not entirely your fault. Women need to be mature enough to speak up when they have a problem and not be immature (silent treatment, retaliation, mind games etc). Some women are better at this than others so that's always something to keep in mind.

Finally, don't beat yourself up about this. I repeat: do NOT beat yourself up over this. You are worthy of someone who loves you, respects you and will do anything to keep your relationship happy. Trust me, you deserve it. 

 

Do do not waste ANY MORE energy on a person who took you for granted. You have your YOU time now, enjoy it.

 
Tuesday, May 3, 2016 8:49 AM
Guest

You are very lucky that she is not living with you anymore. I had came through some bitchies in the past and i know only one thing: NEVER, NEVER TRUST A WOMAN.

 
Monday, May 16, 2016 10:31 PM
Author

yall should know that I am literally happier than Iv ever been less than month after I found out about the divorce. Stay positive and love your lives guys. Life is too short to be unhappy, your brain tells you to resent, wisdom tells you to let it be. Love yourself above all and you will be the happiest you that you can be.

 

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