If someone had of told me before I met him that I would be someone's other woman, mistress, whatever you want to call it, I would have probably cursed them out for thinking I was that kind of girl, but now I find myself heartbroken after ending things after 4 years with my married man.

I met him my orientation day of college. He literally took my breath away. I can still feel the spark and the adrenaline that ran through me the first time I saw him. It may seem crazy to some people but I had never felt the way he made me feel, and we hadn't even made eye contact yet. He was well built, dark haired, with a tan like caramel and a mischievous vibe that would peek anyone's curiosity. He was obviously older than the other students waiting to go into our introduction class, but older men had always been my thing. . In my eyes he was the perfect man, like I built him myself. His smile made me melt, and as I was trying to keep myself from ogling this stranger. I heard him laugh and it sent tingles down my back. The whole experience at the time was bizzare to me and I couldn't understand why this guy was affecting me in this way.

Fast forward to 1 year later and he asked me for my number. From there the flirting and teasing began. I was falling for him fast and it was scaring me but the way he made me feel was just exhilarating. The first time his lips touched mine was one of the most amazing moments f my life. To this day I still remember everything about that moment. From there things only seemed to get better . However about 3 months in, a bit of online snooping revealed something that made me sick to my stomach. He was engaged and even had a child.

After confronting him about it I decided I could not be the woman he wanted and so we remained just friends. Until one particularly bad day when I decided I just couldnt stay away. I ended up losing my virginity to him not too long after that. For 3 years we saw eachother every opportunity he had, with random roadside car adevntures to planned hotel excursions. He made me feel like a princess and like I deserved the world.

A piece of me had always hoped he would leave her but alas 3 years had gone by with not as much as a " I love being with you". So after some deep soul searching and a lot of heart aching decisions I told him I couldnt do it anymore, that my feelings for him were too strong and I was gonna end up very hurt in the end. He begged to see me one more time and so we planned another hotel break for the following week. We spent the whole day together, talking, laughing, making love as if neither of us was aware of the hard goodbye at the end. Sooner than we wanted he had to leave and seeing his eyes water broke my heart into so many pieces even now its still slightly shattered. I cried for about 2 hours after. What had I done? Had I really said goodbye to the man of my dreams, the love of my life?

He persisted in texting me for many months afterwards and many times I wanted to give in. Everytime his name popped up on my scream I would cry a little bit. One evening he was being very pushy and I was stern in saying no and thats when he dropped the bomb on me. He was madly in love with me. He wasnt ready to let me go. Every fiber in my body said dont believe it he's trying to win you back. And for once I actually listened to my head instead of my heart. I think it was then that he finally understood that he had lost me forever. 

Now we are stangers, as if history never happened.

My heart still aches and has pushed me to start a blog about our messed up love story, rollinginlove.blogspot for anyone interested. Every week I let myself remember a 'chapter' of our story and write about it.