Scenario - Question

I cheated and I can't face him. I'm scared and guilty. I  miss my first husband  Why did I cheat? help.

Posted by

Awee

My 2nd ex (lover) have been broken up on and off for six years (2009) now. In that time, I was married To My 1st LOVE my husband (2003), and now recently divorced (2012). My 2nd ex (lover) has also dated plenty Of women that he cheated on me with, and is now in a relationship that I think may be somewhat serious Or even married but somehow im still keeping him as an affair lover.  I know this is so wrong.  While all thks time I was married and what's between him.  My lover (ex 2nd) constantly admitted his love Nd feelings about me, and even tried to convince me to leave my 1st husband and to come live with him. Although, I did love my Husband truely i did! My affair lover always tried tand was tempting me to leave during the last years of my married, I didn't because I still was in love, caring marriage and told My lover it wouldn't be right to do so.  I didn't have the courage break my my husbands heart even though I've been cheating on him these past years and he was so faithful to me.  I didn't deserve him.

My ex lover (2nd) we were together for two years (2013-14) after my split with my husband, and was best friends with my lover before we started dating (2009), and we are still best friends, even now im friends with his mother and sister. We also have scheduled wkend trips together. Have to constantly lie to my husband about this.  My ex-bf (affair lover) and I broke up over a pregnancy scare and this kinda force me to leave everything behind and then after realizing that neither of us were able to handle this bombshell!  I didn't even know  who was the father  and was  depressed  no and I did this to my husband.  I felt that my lover didn't truely care and dumped the responsibility on me to terminate the pregnancy, or just say that it belongs to my husband.  I felt used, abandoned by affair lover which surprised me,  because my husband wouldnt have never, never have done that!  I felt that my lover put medicine over me, as a priority, and didn't consider how hard it was for me to do this. It was all too much for me at the time, so I ended the relationship with my lover. Why did I even considered cheating on my husband.  He always had my back and protected me and I just vanished on him like a coward.  (Tears are coming down my eyes as I write this)  My ex lover has a new girlfriend now, and seems to be into her. It's really unfortunate because I still love him, Why? and honestly I thought that he was the only man I can truly love, but god, what a mistake and I was so wrong!  I miss my husband so much, I have betrayed him, I have regrets and I want him back, now that I'm officially able to do so,  he's long gone and I wouldn't even know what to say to him, if I was face to see him.  My lover still send me texts on regular days, although the messages are pretty brief and not exciting like before. I also find that recently, I am the one initiating all communications with him and now realizing that it should of gone to my husband all this time. I don't think I ever love anyone like I did my 1st husband (and from what I hear he's single still) people say that's the loyalty in some good men.  Why didn't I see that, was I that blended by the lust from my lover?  I just want this pain to go away and maybe if I do run into my 1st husband hopefully he'll forgive me but I wouldn't blame him for not taking me back.  The "grass isn't greener sometimes on the other side" and I had to learn the hard way.  I hope one day husband  does find someone that truly loves him and I have to say that any women would be so lucky... really one of the luckiest girls to have a man like him by your side and don't ever let him go.  Believe me you'll regret it.  I'm sorry for not giving our 8+ relationship a real fighting chance...