So I'm a young adult and I've been in a long term relationship with X.  When we first started dating, it was surreal.  I believed we were soul mates then and I always put his feelings first.  It was intense, romantic and adventurous to be with him but he had his flaws.  Because I loved him, I used to completely ignore some of the most dire red flags in his personality.  He had an aggressive, ultra macho personality that wasn't backed by much, he loved to boast about having the desire and strength to kill 'stronger' men than him and he would insult the female figures in his life using insulting, sexist language.  I just never paid any attention to all this because I believed all human beings were flawed.  But surely, I was just naive.

Sometime after our 2nd anniversary together, things started to become really weird on his side.  He would talk about his emotions all the time and I would listen but it became boring.  Everyday the conversation was the same and he wasn't satisfied with our relationship.  When I would suggest we break up, he would insult me for even thinking so when he was obviously miserable.  I'm not a perfect human being but the patience I showed him was beyond any act of kindness I'd ever done.  I would come see him at his house, perform sexual acts I hated just to please him, listen to him as he would go on furious rants.  But one day I just got tired of it.  We were on campus and we were sitting on grass and we were in a sombre mood.  I told him that I wouldn't tolerate any display of violence on his part and he just seemed to get more angry.  Suddenly out of nowhere, he kicked at a bird that came to sit near us.  I was livid because it was just cruel.  I told him I was leaving and he chased me, hurling insults at me, deriding me and at some point, he run towards me, put me in a chokehold to prevent me from leaving.  That day, I stopped loving him.  Coincidentally, a police van was stationed right at the gate and I ran to those brave men and asked for their help.  As I looked behind, X was walking as if he had done nothing wrong.

After this event, there were many more events.  I know, it sounds weird that I hadn't left him then but that's because he wouldn't let me.  Everytime I tried to distance myself from him, he would come knocking at my door in tears, he would play the sympathy card so well you'd think he'd win an Oscar.  But it became apparent that the love had subsided.  After yet another altercation, this time at his house, I'd had enough.  Most times when he'd made me go through these shitty situations, I'd just forget about the world and drown myself in my own sorrow.  This time I wouldn't let him play mind games with him.  I wanted to be over him, I needed to have a better male presence in my life.  So I contacted this dude from my uni and we met at this hotel where we had passionate sex, while I was on my period.  It was an amazing day and I realized I had more fun that day than I had during all those years with X.  After some time, X knew what had happened and still he wouldn't let me go.  He 'loved' me that much.  Every time, I tried to let him know in the most humane and sensible ways that our relationship wasn't healthy and he kept shunning me.  Eventually I stopped doing that and went with the flow.

After the cheating episode, our relationship actually got better, we started going out more, having more fun and we were once again in love.  It was blissful and humbling.  We did everything to please each other, I even baked him a cake on his birthday, foolishly believing that he would start caring more about my needs.  But that was obviously too much to ask for.  Throughout our relationship, I always felt this need but it wasn't being fulfilled and it dawned on me that he really didn't care that much about me.  Everything in his life came before me-his parents, his studies, his commitments.  He had even moved out of his house which used to be our little love sanctuary to live with his parents so he could make money off the rent.  He didn't once ask me for my opinion.  He objected to me having friends but he was getting drunk with everyone and he would lie about it.  I realized I truly didn't matter that much, that he took me for granted, that he probably didn't feel for me on a more human level.  One day he went to get drunk with his cousins and I didn't hear from him the entire night, the following day he ignored me because he had a test.  I was done.  This was really painful because I'd come to need him, as he forbade me from having friends.  'Possessiveness' is yet another red flag.  

So I intend to cheat on him once again because I feel neglected. I tried to explain to him why I feel like this but he doesn't seem to care.  Everytime we're together, he acts like nothing has changed, but at the same time, we can't even depend on each other.  He wants me to sacrifice everything for him while he doesn't even listen to my needs.  I started flirting with my neighbour, who is a middle aged man and the attention he gives me is enough to brighten my day!  More importantly, when he talks about sex, he sounds really interested in helping me climax, which is something my boyfriend never cared out.  So when it comes to cheating, I think it depends on who you're cheating on-if your partner is supportive and caring, you should leave instead of subjecting them to this pain and humiliation.  But if your partner is an egocentric asshole, well, make up your mind.  The world is a big place and we're here to have some fun!