In 2015 I got into this relationship. He is the most amazing guy I have ever met.  I have never been treated so well.  He gave me a complement every day and always told me how much he cared about me. He is my better half.  I've never gotten along with somebody this easily, and my family loved him. His family loved me. It was basically too good to be true. One day I had found him on a dating website. Not doing anything bad just talking to other girls.  To this day I will never know if he actually met anybody in person, but it still hurt. He knew it did. As cruel as I am I felt like I wanted to hurt him back because I felt like he deserved it. All I was going to do was create a dating website as he did and hope he would find it and just talk to some people like he did. So I did but it obviously got taken too far. I met this guy on there and he wanted to meet in person. So I did. It was going on for a while but I had to stop it. I couldn't let the love of my life that I thought I would never hurt ever find this out. So I went on his facebook and insta gram and I blocked the guy I hooked up with. But this guy got ahold of my boyfriends brother and told him what I did and sent him all of our text messages and all the pictures I sent to him. How embarrassing. First of all, I ruin my relationship. And not only does my boyfriend find out. But my boyfriends brother. We were so close and we got along. Now he hates my guts. I expected it. As you could guess my boyfriend was furious. I've never seen him yell so much, or curse so much. But I've never seen him cry until that day. He was sitting in our bed and crying to me. Begging me to not hurt him again. But it hurt me so much. My stomach gets in knots. I hate myself every day for this. I hurt every day and think about it everyday. I haven't forgave myself. It's been five months since he found out. Here's the last part of this. He's still with me. He wants to be with me. He wants to stay together and try to fix things. But our relationship is not the same (obviously) and it never will be. Some days he loves me and some days he doesn't. I should leave him. Because I don't deserve him. But he is the most amazing man I have ever met and he deserves to be happy. He deserves someone loyal and amazing. I don't know how this is going to turn out. I'm scared he's going to leave me. But I only deserve it. I'm too selfish to leave him myself. I don't know what to do. I guess I'm not actually seeking advice. I just need to talk to anyone about this. I really hate myself for this. I swear that it was a one time thing and I would never do it again. I didn't mean to do it in the first place. I love him. He's my everything. I've never ruined something so special before.