I cheated yesterday. I'll probably do it again. I still love my husband. How can all of these be true? I'm not sure myself. My husband and I have been married for 12 years, together for almost 17.  I'm only 35, so we got together very young. We have two children. I have been going back to grad school, and working full time. My husband has been there, reluctantly picking up the slack all that my schooling has taken from our homelife. Otherwise, housekeeping and child rearing has fallen under my responsibilities. His one enjoyment has been playing video games, which now occupy his evenings after the kids are in bed. After long days, he is tired, I'm tired, but my sex drive is much higher than his. When we do have sex, he has never wanted to give me oral, something I desperately want. He is more than happy to receive, and has often "pushed" things that direction rather than intercourse, typically falling asleep leaving me unsatisfied. We've talked about this several times over the years. I didn't want to force him. I wanted him to want to give me pleasure in that way. Lately it has been really bad. I will try to initiate, or always leave hints, flirt, all to no avail. Its like he's been switched off. We talk and talk about it and it gets nowhere. I desperately love him, but the other night I went on to craigslist to chat up a pervy guy out of loneliness. I made up some phony email address and name and asked guys to write me something dirty. Most sent 2 or 3 lines with misspellings, no punctuation, calling me a bitch, and/or just throwing in a dick pic. A few wrote impressively, but so quickly, I'm tempted to think they just copy-pasted some erotica. One response caught my eye. It was honest, intelligently written by a man in a similar situation: wife with no sex drive, lonely nights, busy professional days. We emailed back and forth, then messages followed, pics, videos, all picking up in intensity. Finally we met yesterday in a hotel room and we fucked like bunnies. The sex was great, but it would have been even better if it had been my husband with all of that passion for me.