i posted this and i guess im just confused about what direction to go......as soon as we got back together he wanted to have another baby so of course it wasnt hard to talk me into it....when things are going well between us he could convince me to do almost anything. ive never been alone or lived by myself that kind of life is so foreign to me....it scares me. my husbands house burnt when he was 16 so my dad let him stay with us and weve never been apart since then.   i feel like theres a way for my marriage to everything it should be.....i just cant figure out how to get to that place.  bur at the same time i hve no clue how to walk away and live happily.......this is a terrible feeling and im so tired of banging my head against the same wall over and over......sometimes i feel like a ruined woman.....maybe i just dont know how to live.  does anyone have any advice at all....i know ive made a bad situation worse by leaving and cheating but i did tell him i was going to in my defense i didnt hide it and didnt try to.....it was done in the most open and in your face way possible. i was trying to hurt him sobi didnt hide it.  what did i expect was gonna happen right....welll i never imagined in a million years that he actually still wanted me. he had me convinced i was nothing to him.  please spare me any hateful comments i know how stupid and pathetic this whole mess is......i want the best for both me and my family i suppose at this point i need help figuring out exactly what that is. please any help would be greatly appreciated.

    First I agree with the guy above. Putting  the blame on him is not helping you. Is he a role that played in you cheating yes. But emotions are high and you have to let a man notice his failures on his own.  He hasn't forgiven you for cheating  and how do you get him to do that. That's the tricky part. When he yells don't yell back. When fights do the fight back. Let him calm down then talk. Fight for you marriage not with each other. Even if you dont feel like it try to be intimate with him as much as possible it brings couples together in a way that they have open conversation.  Doll your self up it will bring your self as teem up. Now he might accuse you of cheating for dressing this way but you assure  him with a kiss it's all for him.  You mad a mistake and guess  what so has every one don't beat yourself  up  about  it. And if he calls you a name walk away. Come back later and assure him you are not. You are the mother of his kids and disease to be treated like it. If you do all this and he doesn't   get it then he doesn't  deserve you. If you cheat on him again then your the problem. If you feel trap and think the only way out is to cheat stop your self and ask if it worth it. I'll be checking in for updates. You made a mistake but your a good person.

i ended up the hospital for so long because of a suicide attempt....when i realized how kuch damage i did to my life....well i didnt even want to attempt to crawl out of that whole and i really thought i wasnt any good to anyone. still not sure if thats not true. and i knew there was nothing good to come out of a life of drugs regret so i was gonna stop it before i lost complete control and spare my family having to watch me take that downward spiral to hell. i checked into a hotel and took 30 zanax and 50 trazadone and swallowed and a grambof meth. 16 hours later the police broke the door to the room because i had missed my hotel checkout time and my husband had the police looking for me. i woke up a few days later to a whole lot of chest pain soo many emotions and and so many questions coming from every direction........everything i was selfishly trying to avoid. i never thought any of theae things would happen.....i never cheated before and im so disappointed with myself.  how can i tell him how bad i hurt myself i hate me im ashamed of it......but it had to hurt him worse so how can i complain. ive lost my right to ever complain or anything.   i have no voice now. sometimes i imagine bobby my husband without me......hes with another women who can be everything i cant and hes so good to her and they are happy.  id be lying if i said i dont ever think about what wouldve happened.if i hadnt made it to the hospital.

were still together what. i meant was i wonder if he could be happier if we weren't together.....it kills me to think that he could possibly be all that for someone else..  i wonder if im the problem ya know

Hello Amanda. I write you from Spain. First of all I apologise for my mistakes writing in english. I lived the same terrific nightmare two years ago. I discovered my wife was cheating on me with a coworker. I found inappropiate text messages and nude pictures on her phone. I used to treat my wife as your husband treated you, often with disdain. We were far one from another due to the increasing hours I spent working, the stress of discossuion about our two children education and about the conflicts with the family (we depend on the two families to take care of our children when working). So she became depressed and I baceme distant from her. Even she thought I didn`t love her. This coworker courted her. He achieved her phone number, and started calling my wife. She was seduced and you can imagine the rest. After I discovered the affair she cut totally the contact with him. She was remorseful and openly told me everything I needed to know. We started the long trail to recover our marriage, with counselling. It has been a trail of tears, with one step forward and two behind. The importat thing I want to tell you is that if he loves you, you both have gone over the half of the trail. After long months of confussion now I clearly see that I will be better with her than without her. Because I love her and she loves me. And now we have an incredible level of communication. I hurt her, she hurt me, she forgave me in the past and I have to forgive her now. I can`t throw away eighteen years of love for a mistake. A big mistake, yeah. But the happy moments we both shared in the past and the happy moments we will share in the future are worth the effort. I often feel bad and doubt about my decission, but I can throw away these feelings and see the path clearly. Despite of all I love her. Despite of all, she loves me. She is sincerely remorseful and we are not going to allow our marriage became so worse that one of us think about leaving or cheat.  I hope it may help.  

Amanda: Print your posts here and give them to your husband. Give him time to process what you've written here. Let him ponder for 2-3 days before you try to talk to him. If he wants to talk before then - great. Otherwise, your only hope to turn this around is through marriage counceling - if he'll go.

Good Luck.