I fell in love with this guy. 11th grade. He was so sweet to me. He ended my depression and my self harm. As soon as I met him everything went away. I had no pain. I was always happy. I was with him and he was the best thing that ever happened to me. He told me everyday that I was the only one for him and how much he loved me. We were so in love for a good 2 years. Then after the 2 years I noticed he was distancing himself from me. I confronted him and he said nothing's wrong and he told me he loved me. A few months later I catch him in MY bedroom with one of my best friends. I ran out crying. I was so hurt. He said he hated me and he didn't love me anymore. He said that our whole relationship was a lie and that he was using me. I cried so much I hurt so much. But in a way I liked it. I never got over him and in a way I love him or hurting me. I loved him for saying those hurtful cruel things. And that's the reason I hate myself. I hate myself so much for lovin him. I love him for breaking my heart. I'm num. my arms are filled with deep cuts. My thighs are bruised and scratched as well. Each of those scars mean how much I love him for hurting me the way he did. I feel nothing I'm not happy I'm not sad I'm not even angry with mY friend for hurting me the way she did. I'm just completely empty. i have no feelings. I don't know what to feel. It's amazing how just one person can change someone's life completely. It's amazing just how one person can ruin someone's life as well. Hopefully I will overcome my depression. I want to so bad. 

I still love him