Suicide is frowned upon.

I concur with the guest above.  If you had put just half as much of the energy of your having an affair into the relationship with your husband, you'd be in a better place with him.  Now, you've just been living a lie for the last eleven years.  And will probably do so for the rest of your life.  You say your husband travelled a lot.  There might be a reason for that.

Fucking whore. Hope your husband got loads of pussy while he was away!

Don't let the assholes above make you feel bad.  Marriage is hard.  Forever is hard.  They will never understand that you can be a good person and love your husband and have feelings for someone else that makes your life crazy and exciting.  I'm not saying you're innocent, just that I get it.  He's at work, you're lonely, kids are starting school  and you meet someone that fills the empty space in your life.  You weren't looking for it, it just happened.  Then you wanted out, but you felt young, excited, sexy, in love...  for the first time in years.  Then you feel bad for the guy you're cheating with.  You're never going to break up your family for him.  He gets the best and worst of you and eventually you parted ways tearfully.  Of course you'll think back fondly of him.  He was happiness when you needed it.  And as for punnishment for your mistakes, you've given up someone you loved, someone you connected with, and the best sex of your life.  A dutiful choice, but painful.  

I know your story well.  You're not evil, you're a woman who had a little time that was just for you.  It was selfish, but it was a wonderful part of your life, and telling your husband would only have hurt him and your family.  You are not alone.  I wish you the best.

You say you love your husband, but you fantasize about some guy from 11 years ago.  Your marriage is crap lady.  You can do as you like, but your husband does not deserve that.

dont feel bad for wanting something different.  i have been there and i feel the same exact way you do.  i see mine daily at work and i always think to myself if he ever thinks of me.  i hope u dont let all the rude comments get to you.  its ur life u live it how u want to.

I was once a faithful husband who worked his tail off for my wife believing she was faithful to me as well. That all changed when I reconnected with a friend fom high school. We had dinner and afterwards talked about our lives since high school. He had been married once until he found his wife in bed with another man. He told me that his experiences with women, was that close to half of them will cheat on their husbands and that the best sex a man can have is with them because they eventually end the affair themselves. I told him he was full of shit until he asked me if I had the courage to test his views. I accepted his challenge and allowed him to attempt to seduce my wife. My one non negotiable condition was that he had to wear an eavesdropping device the entire time he was physically present with her as well as showing me all texts messages between them.

At first I was confident that my wife would put him in his place. I was shocked to find out that not only didn't she stop him but she actually returned the sexually explicit banter back to him. My loving wife was sexting with another man behind my back. This went on for a month until my friend asked her if she wanted to spend an afternoon with him. She agreed and told him I was going to be out of town visiting my mother who had gotten sick and was recovering. I was fit to be tied with rage towards my wife until my friend calmed me down and said to me that he was not going to meet her and would stop all communications with her, no more contact. I accepted his offer and thanked him for it.

The following days, my thoughts were constantly on what I discovered about my wife and how a stranger was able to know my wife better than I could ever hope to. Two weeks passed and my friend called me to find out how I was doing. I told him I was struggling with the reality of the situation and that my wife had picked up on my behavior and has been asking me multiple times what was wrong with me. I said to him that I lied to my wife and told her that it had to do with my company's upcoming organizational restructuring with the possibility of massive lay offs as well with my concern for my mother's health issues, and to not worry about me because I would be fine. He told me he could relate considering his experience with his ex-wife. He further told me that if he were to ever remarry it would only be with the consent of his potential wife to agree to a polyamorous relationship. I chuckled and wished him the best of luck. He asked why not hang out with him the weekend I had planned to visit my mom. I said ok I am open to any suggestions he had for a good time and he said that we would have a blast that coming weekend.

The out of town weekend came and I kissed my wife goodbye, still somewhat heartbroken from finding out who she truly was. I pickee up my friend and on the way out of town I asked him if my wife had tried contacting him. At first he was somewhat reluctant to answer me until he said yes. He said that he told her that she would have to take a rain check because some work related issue he had to attend to first. He said he stopped responding to her texts which continued to be sexually explicit. I asked him if he could show them to me and he asked me if I was sure that I was strong enough not to fly off the handle. I told him yes since I had already endured the worst and that I no longer viewed my wife with the same eyes as before all of this. I stopped my car to trade places with my friend who was going to drive while I read the text messages my wife sent him. OMG! I said out loud WTF? Who is this person? The woman who was my wife had been replaced by sex addicted skank. Never during our courtship and subsequent marriage, did she ever act that way to me. My friend said that during sexual encounters with married women, he would ask them if they ever behaved in such a raunchy manner with their husbands. He said that the cheating wives conressed to him that the answer was no because they were afraid their husbands view of them would change to that of whores and that they would lose their respect forever (as if betraying their husbands wasn't enough by itself).

We arrived at our destination and my friend tried to cheer me up by saying not for me to worry about anything because had our itinarary all planned out and after this weekend my life would change for the better, he guaranteed it. I said to him to lead on. Once in our room he started making a few calls and said that he had booked rewervations at one of the best steak houses in that city. He wasn't kidding, the food was some of the best I ever had. The next stop was at a dance club where we were seated in very comfortable sofa style seats. My friend ordered a bottle of Hennesy and 4 glasses. I asked him why 4 and he said that we would soon be having company. I thought by company he meant two more men but I was wrong. After a few minutes, company had arrived. Two of the most attractive women came to us and my friend greeted both with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He made introductions and had them take a seat. The women drank their cognac fast and were chatty as hell with us. They were funny and charming. We danced with them quite a bit and drank some more. We left the club, flagged a taxy and headed back to the hotel with the women. Both my friend and I began hot make out session with the women in the taxy (I felt bad for the taxy driver only being able to look at the party we were having but not able to participate LOL!). Once in our room, everybody's clothes came off and the fuckfest began. Never in my life could I have ever imagined of participating in a fuck fest like the one we had that weekend. That began on Friday night and continued until midday Sunday. To say that I was a changed man is an understatement because before I discovered who my wife truly was, I would have never allowed myself to cheat on my wife. Now I don't give a shit if she is screwing another man so much so that I even told my friend that he could fuck my wife anytime he wanted. He said he would do it only if he was certain I could handle it.

So ladies remember the old saying what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

I was once a faithful husband who worked his tail off for my wife believing she was faithful to me as well. That all changed when I reconnected with a friend fom high school. We had dinner and afterwards talked about our lives since high school. He had been married once until he found his wife in bed with another man. He told me that his experiences with women, was that close to half of them will cheat on their husbands and that the best sex a man can have is with them because they eventually end the affair themselves. I told him he was full of shit until he asked me if I had the courage to test his views. I accepted his challenge and allowed him to attempt to seduce my wife. My one non negotiable condition was that he had to wear an eavesdropping device the entire time he was physically present with her as well as showing me all texts messages between them.

At first I was confident that my wife would put him in his place. I was shocked to find out that not only didn't she stop him but she actually returned the sexually explicit banter back to him. My loving wife was sexting with another man behind my back. This went on for a month until my friend asked her if she wanted to spend an afternoon with him. She agreed and told him I was going to be out of town visiting my mother who had gotten sick and was recovering. I was fit to be tied with rage towards my wife until my friend calmed me down and said to me that he was not going to meet her and would stop all communications with her, no more contact. I accepted his offer and thanked him for it.

The following days, my thoughts were constantly on what I discovered about my wife and how a stranger was able to know my wife better than I could ever hope to. Two weeks passed and my friend called me to find out how I was doing. I told him I was struggling with the reality of the situation and that my wife had picked up on my behavior and has been asking me multiple times what was wrong with me. I said to him that I lied to my wife and told her that it had to do with my company's upcoming organizational restructuring with the possibility of massive lay offs as well with my concern for my mother's health issues, and to not worry about me because I would be fine. He told me he could relate considering his experience with his ex-wife. He further told me that if he were to ever remarry it would only be with the consent of his potential wife to agree to a polyamorous relationship. I chuckled and wished him the best of luck. He asked why not hang out with him the weekend I had planned to visit my mom. I said ok I am open to any suggestions he had for a good time and he said that we would have a blast that coming weekend.

The out of town weekend came and I kissed my wife goodbye, still somewhat heartbroken from finding out who she truly was. I pickee up my friend and on the way out of town I asked him if my wife had tried contacting him. At first he was somewhat reluctant to answer me until he said yes. He said that he told her that she would have to take a rain check because some work related issue he had to attend to first. He said he stopped responding to her texts which continued to be sexually explicit. I asked him if he could show them to me and he asked me if I was sure that I was strong enough not to fly off the handle. I told him yes since I had already endured the worst and that I no longer viewed my wife with the same eyes as before all of this. I stopped my car to trade places with my friend who was going to drive while I read the text messages my wife sent him. OMG! I said out loud WTF? Who is this person? The woman who was my wife had been replaced by sex addicted skank. Never during our courtship and subsequent marriage, did she ever act that way to me. My friend said that during sexual encounters with married women, he would ask them if they ever behaved in such a raunchy manner with their husbands. He said that the cheating wives conressed to him that the answer was no because they were afraid their husbands view of them would change to that of whores and that they would lose their respect forever (as if betraying their husbands wasn't enough by itself).

We arrived at our destination and my friend tried to cheer me up by saying not for me to worry about anything because had our itinarary all planned out and after this weekend my life would change for the better, he guaranteed it. I said to him to lead on. Once in our room he started making a few calls and said that he had booked rewervations at one of the best steak houses in that city. He wasn't kidding, the food was some of the best I ever had. The next stop was at a dance club where we were seated in very comfortable sofa style seats. My friend ordered a bottle of Hennesy and 4 glasses. I asked him why 4 and he said that we would soon be having company. I thought by company he meant two more men but I was wrong. After a few minutes, company had arrived. Two of the most attractive women came to us and my friend greeted both with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He made introductions and had them take a seat. The women drank their cognac fast and were chatty as hell with us. They were funny and charming. We danced with them quite a bit and drank some more. We left the club, flagged a taxy and headed back to the hotel with the women. Both my friend and I began hot make out session with the women in the taxy (I felt bad for the taxy driver only being able to look at the party we were having but not able to participate LOL!). Once in our room, everybody's clothes came off and the fuckfest began. Never in my life could I have ever imagined of participating in a fuck fest like the one we had that weekend. That began on Friday night and continued until midday Sunday. To say that I was a changed man is an understatement because before I discovered who my wife truly was, I would have never allowed myself to cheat on my wife. Now I don't give a shit if she is screwing another man so much so that I even told my friend that he could fuck my wife anytime he wanted. He said he would do it only if he was certain I could handle it.

So ladies remember the old saying what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

I was once a faithful husband who worked his tail off for my wife believing she was faithful to me as well. That all changed when I reconnected with a friend fom high school. We had dinner and afterwards talked about our lives since high school. He had been married once until he found his wife in bed with another man. He told me that his experiences with women, was that close to half of them will cheat on their husbands and that the best sex a man can have is with them because they eventually end the affair themselves. I told him he was full of shit until he asked me if I had the courage to test his views. I accepted his challenge and allowed him to attempt to seduce my wife. My one non negotiable condition was that he had to wear an eavesdropping device the entire time he was physically present with her as well as showing me all texts messages between them.

At first I was confident that my wife would put him in his place. I was shocked to find out that not only didn't she stop him but she actually returned the sexually explicit banter back to him. My loving wife was sexting with another man behind my back. This went on for a month until my friend asked her if she wanted to spend an afternoon with him. She agreed and told him I was going to be out of town visiting my mother who had gotten sick and was recovering. I was fit to be tied with rage towards my wife until my friend calmed me down and said to me that he was not going to meet her and would stop all communications with her, no more contact. I accepted his offer and thanked him for it.

The following days, my thoughts were constantly on what I discovered about my wife and how a stranger was able to know my wife better than I could ever hope to. Two weeks passed and my friend called me to find out how I was doing. I told him I was struggling with the reality of the situation and that my wife had picked up on my behavior and has been asking me multiple times what was wrong with me. I said to him that I lied to my wife and told her that it had to do with my company's upcoming organizational restructuring with the possibility of massive lay offs as well with my concern for my mother's health issues, and to not worry about me because I would be fine. He told me he could relate considering his experience with his ex-wife. He further told me that if he were to ever remarry it would only be with the consent of his potential wife to agree to a polyamorous relationship. I chuckled and wished him the best of luck. He asked why not hang out with him the weekend I had planned to visit my mom. I said ok I am open to any suggestions he had for a good time and he said that we would have a blast that coming weekend.

The out of town weekend came and I kissed my wife goodbye, still somewhat heartbroken from finding out who she truly was. I pickee up my friend and on the way out of town I asked him if my wife had tried contacting him. At first he was somewhat reluctant to answer me until he said yes. He said that he told her that she would have to take a rain check because some work related issue he had to attend to first. He said he stopped responding to her texts which continued to be sexually explicit. I asked him if he could show them to me and he asked me if I was sure that I was strong enough not to fly off the handle. I told him yes since I had already endured the worst and that I no longer viewed my wife with the same eyes as before all of this. I stopped my car to trade places with my friend who was going to drive while I read the text messages my wife sent him. OMG! I said out loud WTF? Who is this person? The woman who was my wife had been replaced by sex addicted skank. Never during our courtship and subsequent marriage, did she ever act that way to me. My friend said that during sexual encounters with married women, he would ask them if they ever behaved in such a raunchy manner with their husbands. He said that the cheating wives conressed to him that the answer was no because they were afraid their husbands view of them would change to that of whores and that they would lose their respect forever (as if betraying their husbands wasn't enough by itself).

We arrived at our destination and my friend tried to cheer me up by saying not for me to worry about anything because had our itinarary all planned out and after this weekend my life would change for the better, he guaranteed it. I said to him to lead on. Once in our room he started making a few calls and said that he had booked rewervations at one of the best steak houses in that city. He wasn't kidding, the food was some of the best I ever had. The next stop was at a dance club where we were seated in very comfortable sofa style seats. My friend ordered a bottle of Hennesy and 4 glasses. I asked him why 4 and he said that we would soon be having company. I thought by company he meant two more men but I was wrong. After a few minutes, company had arrived. Two of the most attractive women came to us and my friend greeted both with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He made introductions and had them take a seat. The women drank their cognac fast and were chatty as hell with us. They were funny and charming. We danced with them quite a bit and drank some more. We left the club, flagged a taxy and headed back to the hotel with the women. Both my friend and I began hot make out session with the women in the taxy (I felt bad for the taxy driver only being able to look at the party we were having but not able to participate LOL!). Once in our room, everybody's clothes came off and the fuckfest began. Never in my life could I have ever imagined of participating in a fuck fest like the one we had that weekend. That began on Friday night and continued until midday Sunday. To say that I was a changed man is an understatement because before I discovered who my wife truly was, I would have never allowed myself to cheat on my wife. Now I don't give a shit if she is screwing another man so much so that I even told my friend that he could fuck my wife anytime he wanted. He said he would do it only if he was certain I could handle it.

So ladies remember the old saying what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

Great story and so damn true..have a similar situation ..my wife slept with my best friend since childhood  long storie short I married her and found out 12 years later when he attempted to contact her threw facebook.. got all the details come to find out she fucked him twice and saw all the messages threw the years. Destroyed me.. im still with her now (like a jackass) we have 3 kids but not a day goes by where I don't think about it. Catch her all the time thinking deeply to herself and can only imagine it's about him. I just felt some connection with you're story and had to chime in thx