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I want to save my marriage

I cheated on my husband

Wednesday, September 14, 2016 12:56 PM by Guest Rating: +59|-26

My husband just found out that I've been engaged in a 15 month long affair with another guy. He was completely blindsided by this and trusted me more than life itself. I am feel absolutely horrible that I hurt my best friend/husband. We have been together for 11 years, no kids in the equation yet. Since discovering the affair he has moved out of our apartment and is staying down the road with a friend. The last few times we were in contact was simply for him to come and grab some of his stuff from the house...we have civil conversations ("how was your day" "how'd your meeting go", etc...)--because he is being nice I feel comfortable enough to start with the "I'm so sorry...I can't take away what I did but I can vow to do everything in my power to slowly build your trust back". He says he loves me but can never look at me the same again and can never trust me again and our marriage is over, we are getting divorced. He has told his family and mine already about what has happened and now all out friends know as well because he told them...I feel like because everyone knows, even If he DID want to try and save our marriage he will have to much pride to give me another chance. Maybe I'm wrong but my gut is telling me I'm right. I've never been in this situation before and I'm disgusted with myself for what I've done--I was bored and seeking attention and completely took my marriage for granted. I am so remorseful I can't even begin to explain.

I would give my right arm to save my marriage at this point. I am just sitting at home waiting on him-giving him his time and space as he requested (Initially I begged and pleaded but now realize i need to give him his space). I guess my question is, what is the best way to show my husband I'm sincere and remorseful and truly want to save our marriage? I have begun to attend church, I am about to start working again so I can contribute and not just be a burden, I've cut off all contact with the "other" guy, and I'm working on myself by seeing a therapist and reading tons of books. I now realize that if I had a better relationship with g-d before this happened I would have NEVER done what I did. I wish I would have been so proactive before but i can't rewind time, I can only move forward and try and be a better person. I betrayed my husband and for that I am enternally sorry for.

Is it best for me to give him what he asked for--his time and space by not calling, emailing, or texting or do I continue to reach out to him letting him know I'm here, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage, and that I love him?? I don't want to push him away farther by reachin out to him when he asked me to give him space but at the same time our last conversation he was still dead set on divorce & no option for marriage counseling (bc counseling should have been BEFORE I strayed.) We have been living separately for about 4 weeks now-I'm not trying to rush him, I want to give him his space but I feel like space without communication and without really talking about what happened is going to hurt more than help.

I need advice on the best way to handle this situation I have put myself in. I love my husband to death, what I did was inexcusable and I know I may have lost him forever. I want to try and SAVE my marriage though and need to know how since he is living separately and asked me not to reach out to him.

Thank you for voting.


Friday, September 16, 2016 7:56 AM

Honey  you crossed the  line  you are a slut and whore

Friday, September 16, 2016 9:44 AM

Sorry lady, but if it's been a month, he's done.  Like it or not your marriage is over.  The counseling and such should have been before you stepped out.  15 months... 1 year and 3 months worth of breaking your wedding vows.  Over a year of strategically seeing another man behind his back because you weren't happy with him in some way.  He's gonna think about that every time he looks at you.  Any intimacy is gonna have a thought of the other guy being with you in the back of his head.  No amount of church or your claims of being reformed by finding God is gonna change that.  Every time you go out without him he's gonna wonder where you really are. wasn't an accident because of a drunk night and getting taken advantage of.  Like it or not lady, you need to prepare for the papers coming your way, because after an 11 year marriage and now he's been out for a month, he's done.  He's just trying to adjust to a new life now.  Especially if he's been back to get more stuff.

Friday, September 16, 2016 9:52 AM

Respect his wishes and move on. Some people can forgive and some can't. I personally could and would not take you back. Live and learn from this mistake and dont give up the goods to anyone else except your man in the future.

Friday, September 16, 2016 10:01 AM

You don't love your husband your afraid of yourself. Like most women your afraid of being alone and that's it. A 15 month affair is a relationship. You had a BOYFRIEND. Your husband is gone. There is no saving it. You did him a favor. He's cool because now he is a free man. He can now do what HE wants to do without anyone holding him back. It's over lady. Move on

Friday, September 16, 2016 9:17 PM

This is freaking incredible!  The way I see it, you had 15 months to do something to save your marriage.  But instead you pissed it away screwing around with another dude.  Now that you're caught you're really sorry and love your husband to death.  That's always the case with a cheater.  If you love your husband so much now, how did you feel about him for the last 15 months?  Answer:  you didn't care about him at all.  If you did, you wouldn't have been cheating on him, would you?  It's good that there are no children involved here because your butt is going to get dumped; kicked to the curb; eighty-sixed; etc., etc., etc.  Stick a fork in this marriage sweetie, it's done.  But, you do have one good thing here:  you get to keep your right arm.

Saturday, September 17, 2016 6:53 PM

what happened to the 15 month affair guy doesnt he want you

Sunday, September 18, 2016 2:34 AM

You should stop lying to yourself, you know you're only sorry you got caught. Don't try to make it about his pride, he sees you differently now. He perceives you as a cheater and will never truly trust you again. your marriage is over. If I were you, I'd go see if your boyfriend still wants you back


Monday, September 19, 2016 3:48 AM

Wow. What a story.  You were you risked it all. You have no idea how a mans ego works, his inner feelings. You destroyed this man from within.  I know because my wife did the same to me. You are not openly playing the victim but you want sympathy and you really don't deserve it.  15 months you have to another man what you should have given to your husband.  Your husband will never accept you into his arms again. How could you even think that you could gain his trust? You've betrayed the bond of your marriage all because you were bored. That's a BS excuse.  You wanted another man. Face the facts. I'd like to know how you met the other guy, how long you held out before being intimate and how your husband found out. This will shed insight on the story for sure. I'll be waiting. 

Tuesday, September 20, 2016 10:13 PM

I read the first sentence and I don't wanna read no more. You gave my potna pussy away for 15 months. I've read like hmmmmm 7-10 stories in the past week on here but you are the BIGGEST slut I've come by. (This my first time using bold letters in a comment) not important just felt like throwing that out there 😂😂😂😂😂

Wednesday, September 21, 2016 3:06 AM

The story teller needs to update. What has happened since she wrote this letter. People who post on here NEVER update

Tuesday, September 27, 2016 6:03 PM

What you did was pretty awful, and as a man I'd have a tough time with it. Some guys can get over this sort of thing, but most can't. If you really want to make it work, don't give up. Whatever will happen, will happen, but you won't know if you don't try. It's a tough road. I've been around too long to blame you or call you names. I'm sure you've called yourself all of them since it was discovered. I pray that you'll both find peace and happiness.

Thursday, September 29, 2016 10:57 AM

Kids MIGHT have been the only reason this marriage had a chance in hell of being saved but since there are none there goes any and all hope.  Hopefully a lot of bored married women will read this post and think twice.  Only good outcome I can think of from this whole situation. Think twice ladies!! 

Wednesday, December 7, 2016 6:03 PM

Why in the world should he take you back. You didnt love him. You are a liar. 

Sunday, December 18, 2016 12:29 PM

If you really love your husband: prove it! You ruined the marriage don't make him pay for it any more than he has already. Let him divorce you and do not take ANYTHING from the marriage. Give it all to him. Leave him with all the memories. The photos, your jewelry, dishes, furniture everything. If there is anything left of his love for you this is your only hope: total submission. Anything less is proof you are just out for yourself.

Monday, February 20, 2017 5:51 AM

Remorse is for you, not for him. You violated his trust, and now he has no reason to trust you again. If he were to take you back, you've been absolved of all consequences and are free to stab him in the back again. The only way to prove to him that you truly regret what you did is to admit to yourself that there are consequences for your actions and to move on from him. 

Tuesday, April 18, 2017 8:47 AM

its probably over bye now did he leave our stay update please


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