I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half. our relationship has been rocky since last year, our downs are very down and our highs are very high. 

I decided to go to a fair, which she was mad at me for going to for her own selfish reasons. i was with my sister and a few of her friends. one of her friends was this girl,  who was super outgoing and attractive. we talked a tiny bit, but we didn't flirt or anything. 

a couple weeks later, i asked my sister for her number. we started talking, not really flirting, but i did tell her i had an innocent crush on her at this fair. she told me that she thought i was cute and was mad that i had a girlfriend. i told her that i wanted to take her out in the future and then told her about some of the downs in my relationship.

after that, my girlfriend read the texts. there wasn't many, this girl and i only talked for a couple days. my girlfriend freaked out and screamed at me and grabbed my arm badly but by the end of the day, we decided to stay together. however, she continues to tell me how i'm a cheater and how she'll never trust me again. 

i love my girlfriend, but i can't shake the feelings i get from this other girl. we aren't talking now. my girlfriend refuses to tell anyone about our relationship and will not hold my hand or hug me in public whatsoever, if i try to, she yells at me and pulls away. this new girl told me that she would hold my hand and that she wants to hang out with me. 

i feel guilty for what i did, but i do not believe that what i really did was cheating to the point of getting screamed at and grabbed. i did not have feelings initial for this girl.