A few years ago I start permimenopause. My face break out. I have anxiety and really bad depression. I don't know what happen to me but I feel bad and I cry alot. I really feel unhappy. But I never say nothing. I hide it from everyone. Then a old coworker pop-up on fb. He start flirt with me and over time he make me feel special. I fall for his bullshit. His name is smgt rodriguezvaldez and he was air force. I call him RV. He come back from Korea and come here to see me. This is my story to my husband. In the car and that was I think either Aug or September .. he was trying to fuck me and i did got wet but did not cum cuz he was not Goin in much cause he little dick and it not getting hard..and like I said I wasn't really in to him cuz I was looking out then sure enough the cops was there so he put his pants on and got out and I did the same got out and walk to my car and did not see him again after that .he just text I think after a few weeks. yes I felt really bad,the guilt and the regret on why it happen.

Then second time I'm not really sure wat Month cuz that's when he's daughter here....he text me that he's here but he's with his daughter..he ask me to come to his room and so I went again..and I meet him in different room ..and when got there he wasn't in the room for maybe a few minutes then he came and he just grab me and start taking my clothes  off.and then again he wasn't a gentleman bcuz he's in a hurry he said he's daughter thinks he just went for a run so I mean again I just got wet but that's it bcuz,when he's fucking me he's doin it too fast and it hurts .it hurts bcuz it's not Goin in he did that for a min then play with himself, then put in then stop play with himself, and in again then he stop and leave..he left like he just fuck a hooker u know .that's bad I felt the second time bcuz I felt like he fucking use me.but of course I don't want to see that ..I don't want to feel cheap u even tho at that time I was but wat can I do. so that's wat happen the second time and that's I say to myself it's over .I  decided that next time he ask me to go meet him iwill tell him it's over..no more.i love my husband and I'm not gonna ever hurt him again..that's enough.

But he was still texting me after a while..I don't know why I didn't just tell him on the text that Is over,that stop texting me.

Then after a while he ask me to do video.and I told him no...and every time I say no he would just say booo..and no finally I just gave in and that's when I did..he's giving the instruction on wat to do..so I was sitting on the couch and the I pad is on top of the chair then he would say why u have shirt on take it  off so I did. so he wants me to talk dirty to him and I said no and he gets kinda pushy when I said no.i just my shirt off and I don't know wat he was doing .he was laying but he clothes on I really don't know wat he's doin at that time.then I guess he lot tired asking about talking dirty to him and I keep saying no and just say ok got to go I say ok and shut off his lap top.

And again that was stupid of of me to do that.i feel again cheap..I'm sorry for everything I've done to u dear..I know I can't blame u for wat u goin tbru...I really am sorry..u know if u ever crossed ur mind that u want to meet someone I can't blame u for it ok...I would just take it like a man bcuz I deserve it.so now maybe I just feel good if die now.im happy to know that u forgive me..I am happy to know that u still love me after all wat happen..I thank u for taking me back in ur arms.i thank u for loving me again even u hurts that bad...and I do love u for everything u did dear I do.so like I said I will happy for this...I'm sorry u just don't know I can't stop sorry enough..

As I'm writing it's making me cry,feel dumb and stupid and ashamed..

thank u for freeing me from the past my love

But anyway.it was maybe 2 days b4 he came up here.he text me and said that he's coming here for a few days.and he said that he wanted to see me again.so I told him ok.but in my mind maybe this is the rite time to tell him it's over..so as the day go by I was thinking of how or wat I'm gonna tell him.but then it come to my mind that wat if I tell him that wat would be his reaction .would he say ok or would he black mail me...and then the day that he came he text me again and said I should be there at nite time..so I said ok.but as its getting closer I'm still thinking of at to tell him and at the same time I was nrevous..when the nite come he text me and said I'm here ..and he said I'm here I decided to tell him it's over.thats it,it's over..when I got there he let me in he said hi how u doin and I said I'm fine but I wasn't feeling fine at all cuz I'm nervous ..but anyway he let me in,he said have a seat and I sat down he offer me a drink cuz he's drinking and he's drunk already..so when he offer a drink he got wine cooler so I got it.and while I was drinking he's watching basketball ..until I got bored.i guess he noticed that and I'm about to say something,something I have decided to tell him it's over but then he said why r u sitting over there.come over here I won't bite u know in joke..but still he's focus on tv .so I sat next to him the more I want to tell him the more my mouth shut.so he's done start taking my clothes off again and at first I said stop but he said why.but he just keep on Goin until he put me to bed and then he goes did it again .but that time I was not feeling anything I was dry and hurt bcuz he just keep putting it in even tho it's dead he just want to put in..and I think he saw or feel that I wasn't doin anything so he got up and went to the bathroom..he try 3 times and have to play with himself..and when he got out the bathroom and say how was it. I tell him i have better. He frown and say you know it was good. he sat back down and watch TV again.so that's when I went to the bathroom for maybe 15 20 minutes cuz first it hurts and I try to make my self calm.and of course I feel bad really bad bcuz again I feel like he treat me like whore but I don't want think that..so I came out and he didn't even say nothing..like nothing happen so I said to him well I'm goin home ..and he just say ok bye...so I left feeling all kinds of emotion and guilt and as I was driving home I said to my self ur dumb,stupid and a bad wife.and I said that's it no more..and I didn't hear from him for like a month j think.and I was happy when I didn't hear from him I really was..

Then he start again for a while but I said I'm not gonna be a fool anymore .I talk to him flirt with him but I won't ever see him again.thats is my plan after wards my love..so when u find out honestly I'm so glad u did..bcuz I want to end it.i don't know if u believe it or not I don't care cuz that's the truth.

He was rough when he can't put in.i think he's disappointed that he can't do much. He spend more time play with himself than sex. 

I'm really sorry my love.u know I beeYes it was. i'm really sorry my love.u know I been waiting for quite sometimes now for u to tell me that it is over..j feel like I'm feel I don't carry burden anymore..I feel like it's lighter now..thank u my love.now I really believe that u did forgiven.thank u and I'm in love very much with u forever and ever

Now I know I hurt from the beginning and up to now but I can't change that anymore..my apologies not even enough for my guilt but there's not much I can do anymore except to ask God for forgiveness..and u of course..I do that bcuz of how I want to be with u forever and to love u more and more.i do want to be with until the end my love...my guilt was a relief when u say u forgive me .

U might not believe that but that's the truth.guilt Is the hardest to get rid off when u don't share it honestly