I honestly feel so alone this website is my only chance to escape my sadness, it all started in November, a new girl came to my school, we'll call her Joanna, and she has a boyfriend from the school who I knew since I was in the school longer, lets call him Bob, they are still together to this day. Joanna had a previous ex-boyfriend who I also know from my school and she cheated on him to be with Bob, not to mention Bon and her ex were BEST FRIENDS?! She had also had sex from age 15 (not saying she's a bad person for that but where I live if anyone knew something like that for a girl they would call her a whore, sad I know) I despise people which cheat, I honestly believe there's a special place in hell for people which do that. I DO forgive and I CAN look past it but I didn't with Joanna because of the things she's done to me and how insecure she's made me feel. That's a little backstory on her, I on the other hand, I'm 14 going 15 soon and I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months, he's saved my life in many ways and I'm internally grateful for him, I honestly do see myself marrying him which is something stupid for a fourteen year old to say but that's how I honestly feel.

Let's move on to the real point. My boyfriend and Joanna are in the same class, they even sit together, I didn't care at all and I was never jealous, until this guy from my boyfriend's class told me I should be careful with those two because they mess about and talk and giggle and tickle each other in the classroom. I didn't know how to react, I noticed it myself seeing how she talks to him and acts around him, she destroyed me. I screamed to my boyfriend every day telling him to change something, he because of bullying from his classmates almost all his life was scared to say something incase he would ruin his image, he's pretty selfish in general anyway. He would do nothing and I would cry more every night, he wasn't doing anything bad but I was furious that he wouldn't do this small favor I asked him despite me doing everything for him, anything he asked I would do. I picked up self harming again after being clean for over 4 months and I was a complete mess. Skip forward a few months, we were fighting on Facebook and he told me that "the only thing he finds good on her is her ass but mine is better so there's no need to be jealous" that message changed everything, it destroyed all my confidence and I lost a huge amount of trust I had for him. I cried and he told me he didn't mean it in the way he portrayed and that he was sorry, I honestly felt like I was wrong and he was right. After of 8 months of constant crying and the same type of scenarios in school I finally broke and made him choose, me or her. He chose me without second thought and told me that he'll change seats with her. It gave me a sense of relief but half a months later he sat with her again since his classmate that was sitting with him didn't  want to sit with my boyfriend anymore. I told him that if he at least doesn't do anything I will leave, and he told me if I tell him what I want he'll do it immediately, I didn't want to tell him because I felt I would be a jealous and hurtful person if I explained to him I wanted him to block her ok Facebook and never look at her again. Things settled down a bit and when we hit our 10 months anniversary a few days ago I brought the subject up again, he got mad that I ruined our lovely day for something that has ended but I explained that it never left my mind and I still cried every day. I went home and cried and my best friend told me to call him and start getting things straight. I called him a screamed for an hour straight saying I want to break up and that I hated him. In the end we didn't break up and I finally told him he will have to block her if he wants me to stay which he did after ALLOT of hassle. I knew he didn't want to even though he would never admit it. My best friend told me to leave and see if he would come back but I was scared he wouldn't even though I KNOW he can't leave me. 

Today I write you my story and wait for your replies, I hope they aren't foolish because I've been in so much part n these past few months I can't feel my body anymore, thank you for reading.