Hello everyone.I would like all points of views and opinions.  My husband and I have been together since I was  19 years old. He anally sodimized me in the very beginning of our marriage. He always said that that was just sex and it was not rape.I had no warning , and never ever had anal sex previously.I was shcoked hurt and humiliated. He did not do that again until maybe four years later and thrn once more.he knew I never liked that at all. Even after he dd that to me, all through out the years he would run his penis on the outside of my anus. He would ask can he put it in a little and I would say no.so he would contunue to run his penis there even though he knew I did not like it. Well I was a virgin and I didd not know about biundaries and everyhing needs to be consentual.I learned by reading and talking to itger men online.I would post adds on cl asking what is normal sex and is this normal.I was scared to leave my husband and be with someone else because I thought all men would hurt me anally.well after many years of going through this 11years. Also he cheated on me and gave me clymidia twice.  I got cured and stop having sex with him for a year. Well one day I finally got the courage to post an add in cl.I never mentioned that I was married or the horrible stuff my husband did to me. I posted an add looking for vaginal sex only.I thought I would have a heart attack thr first tume I met a man. But he was so kind.all he did was oral to me. We kiised and I went home.I told my husband what I did he was anagry but accepted it bevause I explanied I felt my vagina was no good that something was wrong with me for him always goong back there. Anyway hisband and me resimed sex again.he only did vagin stuff then one month later he is back to rubbingbhis penis on my anus.I cry jump off the bed and call the same man up.I say pick me up we need to have vaginal sex  we did but only for one minute because he quickly ejaulates into the condom. I told husband and he stops doing the anal stuff but yhen admits that he has cheated on me for years but woll not admit with joe many women. To make a long story short.I end end up meeting 36 men on cl to have vahinal sex. I realise now that men are diffrent sizes.most of the men ejaculated in two minutes are less.all thr men were bugger than my husband except three. My question is, am I wrong to all of this? I asked husband iver and over stop doing anal stuff to me. Husband also like to licj my anus witch I also hate. Would you forgive your wife for having  sex with iver thirty men from cl?