I cheated on my boyfriend for a guy that didnt care about me. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now , We met when were both in college. At the beginning of our relationship I was so in love iwth him and it drove him to break up with me a couple of times. I was always jealous of his friends that are girls, didnt help that he had a best friend at that time that was a girl. I was clingy needy and would do almost everything for him. I moved in with him despite my parents disapproval . Things took a turn at our 2nd year in the relationship I no longer feel like i wanted to be with him this time around I was the one wanting to break up and he didnt want to. I stick with him but its like everytime he asks me to do stuff for him i no longer feel like doing it . I dont feel like going out with him, taking pictures and doing all couple stuffs we dont even celebrate anniversaries and monthsaries anymore. He has been busy with his work we no longer have time for each other eventhough we live together. Fast forward to a couple of months ago I met this guy on the internet , from the moment we talked we instanlty hit it off. He was so easy to talk to and would compliment me every now and then. We had late night calls and could talk to each other almost till the early in the mornning without even realizing it. I was talking to him behind my boyfriends back and at that time I feel like I wasnt doing anything wrong alhtough I know deep down it was wrong. The guy that I was talking with admitted that he did like me and if we only lived together he would totally want to be with me, I felt the same way too and we decided to just keep it that way most likely we were friends with the emotional benefit . Anyway things went downhill with this new guy because I was starting to be needy and cosntantly wanted his attention. Although we used to text each other a lot  there are times it takes him forever to reply. I confronted him and he got mad saying he has no obligation to reply back to me and that sometimes he just doesnt feel like talking everyday. After that he basically blocked me from social media and whattsapp ( our means of commu) I have a feeling he may have deleted my number as well. I send him one last message saying I was sorry for being a nuinsance to him and for my behavior and also said that I accept his decision of not ever talking to me again. A ew days after that i had deleted my whatsapp and was slowly getting my life back when my boyfriend looked at my phone without my permission while i was sleeping and he saw all the text messages i have been exchaing with the guy i cheated him with. He got really mad at first and he actually criied in fron of me saying he could not believe I would cheat on him.  He did asked me the reason why. I told him i didnt love him as much as i used to. I may still have feelings for him but I have also changed since the second year of the relationship with him. During those times i was mad heels in lvoe with him. I moved in with him payed for everything while i worked my ass day and night just so i can afford to buy him all the stuff he needs at that time he didnt have a job but i did. He basically controlled my life whatever he wanted i would do. he didnt want me to go out with my friends, he would choose when we would go out and to what restaurant without asking me, It was def taking a toll out  of me. It was exhausting and emotionally draining. I tried to tell him a couple of times but to no avail I even tried breaking uo with him a couple of times but he always persuades me that things will get better. I know that wasnt an excuse to actually cheat on someone  but those emotionally draining feelings led me to talk to other people that appreciates my presence ( at least for some time) . WE had a big talk after he found out about my cheating. I told him i wanted to break up because i am honerstly just tired and emotionally drained. I didnt like the person I was becoming cheating on someone was something I thought I could ever do . I hated myself for it and dont think I could ever forgie myself for hurting him that way. I needed time for myself he said he didnt want me to leave and that he still needed me , saying instead of leaving why dont we just work things out . He said he forgives me and that we should start over and not throw away almost 4 years of being together. At this point Im just so tired of crying my heart out I went home to my parents despite his protest to not leave him. I wouldn say we broke up but it sure does feel like it. I truly hope soemday he would eb able to forgive me and that I would be able to forgive myself too.