A 2 year old relationship that felt almost fairytale-like. We did everything right. We dated, we got together, we met each other's parents & extended families, we sat down to talk things out after each argument, we learned to give each other space and freedom, we never mentioned "breakup", we were two puzzle pieces that really fit. But I cheated and I don't feel as bad about it. Why?

 

I have a best friend whom I've always been in love with, who of course does not feel the same. Time and again, I feel my feelings for him rush back even when I am in a relationship with someone else. Note that this is the second time I've cheated on a boyfriend. The night I cheated, I got into an argument with my best friend. I had a few drinks, I got upset and left the cab to think things through. Because I realized that I loved him, and if I could love him while being in a relationship with someone else, it wouldn't be fair. I felt like I needed to end this friendship. And so I did, I bid goodbye, I got so torn up and I cried so hard for some reason I went to seek comfort from another man. My best friend's friend. 

It's almost as if my boyfriend at that time didn't seem to matter, and we were totally fine before that night. 

After cheating, I confessed to my boyfriend and broke it off. I'm now labeled as a slut, hated by his friends and families, I've lost my best friend and I stopped contacting the guy I cheated with. And I feel better, even though my life has taken the worst turn. 

 

It's a clean slate for me, though cheating was wrong, but after understanding what went through my head I felt like everything happened for a reason. If I never break my friendship off with my best friend, I will never learn to love again. And if I carry on being with my boyfriend, it will only be unfair to him, I gusss that's why I cheated, because I knew that cheating would be a deal breaker. Which is why I showed no remorse and had zero intention of getting back together with him. Because he deserves better and I'm just sorry that I couldn't be the one to better for him. But I needed this, I needed to hit rock bottom to find myself again. To new beginnings.