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Serial cheater?

My wife cheated on me

Friday, October 9, 2015 1:17 PM by GuestJB Rating: +36|-22

I met my future wife at work. She was smart, beautiful, funny, and our conversations just flowed. We both became flirtatious, and I finally gave her my number and asked her out after work. She said she was flattered, but she was married! I apologized and said I didn't know(she never once mentioned him). She said he was "away". I assumed he was in the military, but turns out he was in prison for drug charges! So we continue talking at work, and eventually we went out for drinks after work one night. We ended up kissing before parting ways. Some time goes by, and we're falling in love. Our relationship takes off and she becomes pregnant with our daughter. She informs her incarcerated husband of everything, and they divorce. We buy a house, have a baby, she says this is the life she wanted, that she could never have with her ex. A while later the ex gets out of prison. She returns some things to him, and apparently still has feelings for him. She "needs time" to figure things out" and goes to stay with her mom. Turns out she was hanging out with the ex. I'm devastated and beg for her back. She comes back and we have another child, get married, everything seems fine. 2 years into our marriage, I'm working nights, I'm tired, miserable at times, but doing everything in my power to contribute and provide for our family. I notice a change in my wife's behavior. Always tapping away on her phone, taking her phone everywhere she goes. Curiosity gets the best of me, so after a week of trying to crack her complicated password on her phone, I get in. There I see Facebook messages back and forth between her and a co worker. She had sent a pic of her in the tub, to which he responded how he wishes he was under the bubbles with her, and how he can't stop thinking about being between her she responded to every lick. I'm not perfect, but this guy is older, fat, bald..not typically her type. My heart hits the floor. I confront her and her first response was "what did you think was going to happen?" Really?!?! I left to stay with my brother for a few days to cool off. She calls and texts saying she wants me back, and it was the worst mistake she ever made. It's been 2 years since I came back, and not a day has gone by where I haven't thought about it. I made her pay for it over and over. Now she's done, saying she can't be with me because I "live in the past" and can't let things go. I hate for things to fall apart, because of the kids, but I'm realizing now I should have left 2 years ago when I first found out..

Tags: Coworker Affair; Divorce; Kids;

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Friday, October 9, 2015 3:13 PM

she told me she cant do it anymore, that she feels like a prisoner and she can't be herself! Why? Because I don't trust her anymore?! And when i look at her now, all i see is him and what she did! I feel she created this mess, and now she doesn't want to deal with the consequences. She didn't only cheat me..but also our children! Am i wrong?

Saturday, October 10, 2015 8:08 AM

Guess I'm just asking if I should continue to try to make things work, or just walk away? Any suggestions?

Monday, October 12, 2015 6:52 PM

You are living in the past. But I'm sure it's because you aren't over the pain of what happened yet. You are living in trauma, reliving the cheating over and over again. You probably haven't been raised with the tools you need to deal with such a big amount of pain. 

Even if you could stop today, punishing her for the past, would it really save your relationship? 

 It's more than your actions that create the relationship, it's hers as well. It doesn't seem like she has figured out why she cheated and the emotional pain that caused her to gamble her life and family . It also doesn't seem like she is willing to figure that out. 

Whatever caused her to cheat, if not worked on, will probably repeat. If she is hungry for approval and attention can't find out why, she will still be hungry. It may be easier for her to place blame on you, saying you live in the past I can't do this. But it seems like both of you aren't fully willing to let go in order to heal together. It also seems that you could learn alot more about her patterns of behavior and your own. Why you continue to choose someone who acts before she thinks ?

Therapy or alternative healing would help you understand alot more about WHY people do what they do. it may help you forgive her and understand what lead her to that path.understanding brings alot of different change and healing.  Punishment will not help her see it , as you have seen already. Understanding and having compassion for her, will give her chance to be remorseful.  I'm sure she's not proud of the 'ugly' fling. But she felt wanted, desired and it filled a void for her in that moment. Therapy can help figure out what is that void and what are the triggers? What can you do to help her heal this process? 

Or if that all sounds to hard and too much work, or she won't keep her end up , then you could give up. But you need therapy so your not choosing more gems like that one. Good luck only you can choose your own actions 

Tuesday, October 13, 2015 7:08 PM

I've been through that my husband cheated on me when I was pregnant with our second child. He treated me so bad. And not a day goes by where I don't forget how he treated me and my daughters. It will forever be there. And to be honest it is your choice no one can tell you what the right choice is. 


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