This has been killing me and I guess to be ungreatful to what God had chosen for me.

heres the story-long story!

so, when I was 20 I had a boyfriend he was way older and had some feelings dated him for about a year or so.so whatever left him. While in the process of leaving him an old boy(now my daughter and son dad) he came and loved me too much. He was the sweetest all he wants/wanted was his baby(me) by his side. Turns out 2 months later I was pregnant. Had my son. 2 years later my girl. Now turns out my son "looks" nothing like my boyfriend and people have told me he looks just like my other boyfriend. In my opinion he looks like me. Could have sworn I didn't have anything with the old guy before.. That guy has called me to ask me. I despise him and hate him and don't want him in my life. But that being said my boyfriend now loves his son. Loves me. Loves his baby. 

I am ungreatful for what God has given me. I pray to forgive me when I can't even forgive myself. I truly do feel so bad and wish to things had never happens. I know it's a sin. And tho he's not my husband I'm sure for it to still be bad.

doesnt end there-

. So my current boyfriend ended up going to jail. I stayed here clearly while he was gone I was homeless. Got kicked out of my parents. Ended up going to a place where I had someone stalk me and send me noted saying he knew when I was home that he was going to have a date with "us" that night. Pretty much be ready for it. Was going to be romantic. which I didn't take lightly and left the apartment that day. I have my kids and was not going to take the chance of getting killed while I slept. I begged his mom to take me in and just let me stay there while her son came out.told her how scary it was at my apartment  She said no after she had been begging me to ask her for help I ever needed it  So, I asked my mom and right away took me and my kids in.

while so I had been talking to a guy. We talke, and meet. When we did meet he said he wanted me so bad, wanted to be with me.   I had sex with him.bhe only got to put it in once and stopped him. I could not do that to my kids most importantly.  I had already done it. After that I just couldn't act the same to him. I Didn't hate him, and realized it was no ones fault but mine.  hated myself for it too. Now that I have realized now I feel ashamed. How could I do this? I have a guy that loved me. Loves my kids. I guess for  that mistake I made I must pay the consequences and understand that my baby's dad and I can't be. I don't want to tell him. But I also don't want to do that. Can somebody please tell me if I might not see something? I am so embarrassed for the way it was played and I should had known better. I just pray that I'm forgiven for all the bad I have done to a person that only wanted to love me. And yea we had arguments but that doesn't justify.