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She isn't what I thought

My girlfriend cheated on me

Tuesday, May 3, 2016 10:59 AM by Topher Rating: +27|-11

Get this, my girlfriend who I have a child with and have been planning to marry was cheating on me. She had just started 5 days ago and I ended it just 2 days ago. She lied to my face cause I caught her. She had a story made up because the guy she decided to be flirting with over Facebook turned out to be a major creep and was talking about finding her and doing things to her and my son. Of course I see he's freaking out cause she's rejecting him she's been erasing messages as well to make it look as if he was just being insane. She then told me the truth and nothing feels the same. Her excuse is that I didn't pay enough attention to her and I know for a fact this woman is by NO MEANS neglected. So I took her phone and her Facebook but we are adults I've come to know that will not work because we are both our own person. She cried and apologizesee but I feel no sympathy. We kiss and we've fucked I still don't feel a thing for her anymore. She's ruined the purity the sanctity of our perfectly imperfect relationship. I've been trying to forgive her but she lied to my face for 3 hours and I still am getting chopped up bits of a story. Will she cheat again? Is she just sorry I caught her? Will I ever feel the same again? Please help me.

Thank you for voting.


Tuesday, May 3, 2016 4:26 PM

What's your game plan? Do you want to break up or reconcile?  If you choose to reconcile it will take at least two years of heavy lifting on your GF part to help you heal. If you decide to reconcile she will need to send a no contact letter. She will need to provide you with all passwords and be completely transparent.  Do not accept her blame shifting.  You are resposible for 50 percent of the relationship but she is 100 percent responsible for her cheating. If you choose to reconcile you can not rug sweep the affair or she will do it again.  I would strongly encourage marriage counseling. THis will provide you a safe place to discuss the affair and the counselor will act as a refwhen your wife tries to blame shift. 

Tuesday, May 3, 2016 5:04 PM

Do not make any decisions yet.  You are in shock. Give it a month. Have you deactivated her facebook account?  I agree with Jack. I would also get individual counseling to figure out what you want.  Also if you get marriage counseling get a counselor that specializes in infedility.  

Tuesday, May 3, 2016 7:40 PM

I feel even more confused I have no one to talk to about it except her. Any other options? A marriage councilor would be great but I also have very bad temper issues which is why I can't talk to her or my family they're all involved with eachother. She Continues to cry and tell me she's sorry and for some reason it makes me even more mad.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016 3:38 AM

  You are absolutely  right to feel how you feel but remember  she is still the mother of your child. Taking her back is something  you have to decide on your own. I wouldn't  take her back but that's just me. Her actions could cause harm to you and your child because of  this psycho. Listen if there is no trust there is no relationship. You need to be honest and tell her she was pure and perfect in your eyes and her betraying  you cause you to see her in a different  light. Don't feel guilty  about your feeling. Why did she confess? Did he threatened  to tell you. If she can't be honest on why she did what she did there is no reason to trust ever. If you were neglecting her like she claims then why not talk to you first before trying to bed another man. Has she done this before? Is she crying  because she lost her meal ticket? Too many questions  to ask.  You making a decision  right now is not in your best intrest. Too much emotions. Family sometimes make it worst. Take  time for your self and think. Look back and see if there may be other times you may have wondered  or had suspicion. IS THE BABY YOURS? Even if your sure make her go through  hell. Take DNA test make it so that she won't do it again. Your kid needs to be in a healthy  environment  and her stupidity  can cause harm to the child. Now you always  hear relationship  are 50/50 that's bull shit. You put 100% in and she puts 100% in. It's all or nothing. When she tell you that you weren't  paying attention to her respond with this. When you was flirting with the other guy did you think that would of help. You think that will make me pay more attention  to you. Just like she took time to write the other guy she could of wrote you a message saying hey I'm lonely. But no she wanted to be a slut. She needs to realize you are serious. Block her off of face book and tell her she can call and contact who ever she pleases.  The reason you get mad when she apologizes  to you is because you can smell the bull shit. Again your decision but do you really want to be with someone that dumb? Good luck and update. Advice  from a counselor  married 18 years.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016 7:10 AM

Start the 180 so you can start to heal yourself.  Then immediately book individual counseling (IC) so you can figure out what you want.  I would make your GF also do IC as a precoundition for reconcilation so she can figure out why she has such poor boundry issues.  If you have no one to talk to join other infedility sites and share your story.  You will find many people including myself have gone thru what you have and survived. Of course seeing your GF crying makes you angry.  You feel like she want you to comfort her and you already are dealing with your own pain.  You need to figure out if she is truly remorseful or just regretful she got caught.  Again, I would join the website surviving infedility and tell your story.  Good luck. 

Wednesday, May 4, 2016 9:01 AM

I agree with ANgel.  DNA your child.  Even if the child is most likely yours the seriousness of the situation will be driven home with your girl friend.  You can pick up a DNA kit at many drug stores.  They are relatively cheap.  I would also insist your girl friend get tested for STD. 

Wednesday, May 4, 2016 9:44 AM

Here's another update guys, she knows I wrote this she keeps telling me that everything you guys say especially angel, bless your heart and knowledge, now I feel like she knows and she knows it was wrong but won't take the steps to start communication she keeps just acting the same. What can anyone gather from this? 

Wednesday, May 4, 2016 4:28 PM

  Look man women are difficult  creatures and are all different in many ways. She might have put a wall up to stop feeling the guilt and pain or she doesn't  care. Either way  it doesn't matter. Like I said before if you are not willing to put 100% in to the relationship  find someone who will. Be a good, no no no be a great father and move on. I normally  would tell people it's your choice but this time just move on. Are you going to be the only one fighting  for the rest of your life in this relationship. Women tend to hide them self from who they really are from fear of shame. If you can't talk to each other you can't know how to fix the problem. Go to Walmart and buy a furniture  you have to build. Do it with out the instructions. You will see how hard it is. Imagine doing  it with something much more complex.

To the girlfriend  if your reading this I don't care what drove you to commit this act it could have been handled  by  talking. If your not in love with him you should of just said so. People make mistakes  and it's a human trait but not acknowledging  your wrong doing is animalistic. It might work in  the bed room but not in a relationship  where two parties claim to love each other. If you needed to find yourself  or wasn't  sure what you wanted it should have been decided  before you made a commitment. Now if you truly love this man you better fight. We man are not emotional ( most of us ) and can fall out of love easily  when being betrayed  or dishonored  by the one who we love. You will wake one day and see you babies father be the man you always wanted with another women. I can give you numbers of women who will tell you there stories and regrets. 

I tell you one story. A wife cheated on her husband because he wasn't  adventurest in the bed room. He found out and left her. 4 years later he married. Thats when she realized she was still inlove. To make matters worst she new details of there  sex life( she found a sex video using his laptop ) . Everything  she wanted was being done to the other girl. Her words I was forever broken seeing my husband ( noticed how she didn't  refer to him as ex.) With this other women. If only I would have just talked to him. Fuck it I'll give you details. She just wanted him to pull her hair and call her a whore. That it. Simple. But no she did what you did found someone  else to replace  what you needed in another man who later married her cousin. Lol life's a bitch. Don't play with people's life.

Thursday, May 5, 2016 9:51 AM

  I agree with the angel person. If she doesn't  want to fight leave. That's probably  her way of telling you she doesn't  want  to be with you.take the hint and run. Update man I want an update. 

Friday, May 6, 2016 4:54 AM

When mature adults screw-up - especially when we royally fuckup - we take ownership, own up to it and do something about it. I had issues from my past (e.g. PTSD) that was affecting my relationship with my wife to the point of collapse. I hit rock bottom and went to individual and couple counselling because I love my wife and family and I know I am responsible for the health of my psyche and that of my relationships. Your wife is trying to pass this off as your fault for her lack of respect for you and your relationship, and you have played a part to some extent (no one is 100% wrong or right) BUT you did not deserve this (no one does). The fact that she is not taking ownership suggests she is either not capable, too immature, and/or feels that it's not her fault. Either way, you need individual and marriage counselling to get through this - even if you split up - to help you move on one way or another. Your relationship has hit rock bottom - you know it but your wife does not. I suggest you make sure she knows it's rock bottom from your perspective and you both need to be onboard to fix it now or leave it.   

Friday, May 6, 2016 12:00 PM

I would get a DNA test on the kid, Once a woman cheats I have would have no trust in her past or future. 

Friday, May 13, 2016 6:29 AM


Thursday, May 19, 2016 5:47 AM

As a woman i can tell you it's terribly upsetting getting caught and having the fun stop. It's a system process to lay fault with.. i was neglected etc etc. 

I have never cheated on a partner but i am waiting for the day when a woman will simply say... I'm not sorry, there was no issues, i just wanted to screw another man.

Saturday, May 21, 2016 7:51 AM

Last update guys I tried to continue things and get them back in working order yet she's always being a jerk she's always silent and she keeps begging me to let her stay when I suggest these things. I'm at a breaking point to where she is no longer taking this seriously and thinks I'm a damn idiot or something I feel like she's trying to cut a hog in the ass but as I play along I am far from stupid or underhanded anymore. I've got this bitch in a corner she either can grow the hell up or go what do you guys think?

Saturday, May 21, 2016 12:22 PM


I also Cheated on my girlfriend while she was pregnant and a couple of days away from giving birth to my son. Originally I told her I wanted to take a break but days later told her I wanted to " taste other things." She found out from a friend and asked me about it but I lied and told her that we were just friends and then I lied to her again at the hospital after she have birth to my son. The morning after our first night with our son home she found the messages of me asking the other girl if she wanted to fuck. She packed her and the baby's stuff and left crying. The difference between us is that she never had sex with anyone else, but I did. Multiple times. There's two sides to a story, not just one, got it?



Saturday, May 21, 2016 12:50 PM

Topher you are confusing. What the hell are you talking about. Who cheated and if you cheated while she was pregnant then how can you be mad at her now. Let bygones be bygones

Sunday, May 22, 2016 10:43 PM

All I can say is be sure to stay in your child's life.  Your relationship with you girlfriend is at an end, but not with your child.

Sunday, May 22, 2016 10:47 PM

And from the tone of the second update, looks like girlfriend got into his account and is spoofing.

Monday, May 23, 2016 5:46 PM

I agree with the above comment. That's the girlfriend. Topher better step his game up. 


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