well this happened a couple years ago, and I'm no longer with the bastard. But I digress, pregant for the 3rd and final time, I'm in a lot of pain with this baby, and can hardly get out of bed, let alone clean or even a desire to have sex. He is constently on me for sex but more often than not a blow job that he complans about more often than not, so wy would i want to do it in the foirst place? (mind you never before or since have i had a complaint...lol) well obiviously he went to find it else where of course with out my knowlegde. But with whom it was with was just awful and litterally broke my heart and scarred them for life. i would rather him found a total stranger than whom it was. made me needless  to say loose any shred of respect for him, and made me question my life to say the least. i didnt find out about all this till the baby i was pregant with was about 3 months old so with i would have found out sooner tho if we were still in the same house when i found out i may not be here to type this today i would be in a jail cell or worse. but it broke my heart to find everything out and even tho im over him and our relationship, that horror still haunts me everynight, and wish i would have seen the signs and fixed things before they went so far. but it life  lesson i guess i know i cant blame myself forever, eventhough i think a small part of me will always blame myself at least a little bit. but aLL I know to do is pick myself up, dust myself off and take care of my kids to the best of my abilities, and teach them right from wrong and hope they make smarter deciisions than i did. we are strong and we always get through everything. thanks for lettig me vent. i felt the need to get it off my chest