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Stumbling to death?

I cheated on my husband

Friday, July 28, 2017 3:58 PM by Guest Rating: +310|-418

> My husband asked me to write our story to see
> what some other opinions about it might be, what others
> might do. The story, like other stories about cheating, must
> begin at the beginning of the marriage itself. I was 15 when
> I met my husband, who was 18. We met because he asked his
> sister to invite a friend over to give him some booty.
> Turned out to be me. I swore up and down I would not sleep
> with him. But I did. For over six hours. We bonded during
> that of course and I did not leave his side after that
> except for school hours. My mom did not like it at all, but
> had already made the mistake of letting me go unsupervised
> and having bad friends and so I was a wild child and
> basically uncontrollable. She ended up calling me in as a
> runaway many times, which my husband still has on his record
> and we always joke about how he married a runaway. He
> proposed to me after a year and in another year we were
> pregnant with our first child. Lots of sweet details, but
> I'll just get to the basics that are relevant. I first left
> the specialness of our relationship when he went to jail. It
> was before we married and I was desperately trying to raise
> money for his bail. His sister and mom were also, pawning
> things, borrowing money and everything we could think of. I
> tried to sell a bag of coke for my neighbor to get some
> money. I'm not the best salesperson. So he said if I slept
> with him he'd pay me $100. I was so young and stupid and
> wanted my guy back so bad, so I did it. Very shameful and
> disgusting, but I thought it would be worth it. I didn't
> tell him when he got out. Later he showed me a picture he
> drew in jail of a black man fucking me from behind from a
> dream he had. Needless to say it was exactly what happened
> and I confessed. It was very hard for him, but he held me
> and told me it was ok after venting his anger. He'd rather
> have stayed in jail for years then for that to have
> happened. We went on to get married and pregnant and moved
> out into our own place. We struggled, but love was all we
> needed. I ended up cheating on him with 5 different guys
> over the course of the next 3 years. It wasn't that I was
> unhappy with him, I just had no understanding of the
> seriousness of what I had done. I was a very damaged girl by
> the time he had met me, despite being so young. Daddy
> issues. Many older men had taken advantage of me and I had
> not even processed that til maybe 5-6 years after we had
> been married. I won't go into all the details of the
> 'affairs'. We met the LORD in a very serious and deep way.
> He saved us, me especially. Completely outside the context
> of church or religion. The Holy Spirit showed me I had to
> tell him everything I had done against our marriage. It was
> very difficult. He is a strong man, and very very loving.
> Somehow, with the grace of God we were able to move on and
> actually build a strong, healthy, proper marriage. I
> embraced my role as wife and mother. We had another child.
> God led us to move across the country to West Virginia. It's
> amazing the way God works when you submit to Him. Our whole
> life was completely given to Him and He used us mightily in
> so many ways. We had a daughter. Chapter 2: That was all
> back story. A family that God was using us to witness to had
> a nephew living with them. I had been given by the Holy
> Spirit a guard for my heart. I never ever became friends
> with any man. No hugging men, no texting men. I did not even
> shake hands with men at church. May seem extreme, but it was
> the best thing I have even been led to do. I wasn't
> interested any man ever coming close to me again other than
> my husband. Perhaps making up for all the specialness I had
> given away that should belong only to a husband in a perfect
> world. It helped build our trust back, restored, renewed. We
> both regretted not being able to be each others firsts. It
> made our relations so special, private, unique. Really
> turned a fire on and our sex life was healthy and loving and
> consistent. I don't show my hair in public either, which
> enhances sex also. He is the person who made me into a
> woman. He is my covering, my protector, my husband. I was a
> queen, honored and cherished wife. Something about a person
> seeing the best in you really helps to bring it out. I
> became a wonderful woman. I took care of everything and
> learned so much about caring for my family, treating them
> naturally instead of pharmaceutically. Light, love, trust,
> happiness, purity, wholeness, joy, an ability to help anyone
> who asked almost ever. I taught children's classes three
> times a week on top of homeschooling. And a weekly cleaning
> job which i could take the children to. I was experiencing
> something i never had before. Respect from men, an awe and
> respect when they saw me instead of that certain attention
> that men always had for me before. Everything happened at
> such a strange coincidence next. A nephew, like i said. I
> always took my friend wherever she asked, had her over for
> dinner, gave her money for electric bill and she listened to
> me tell about God's power in our life. Her bf yelled once in
> front of us about her unfaithfulness in vulgar words you can
> imagine. We went to change our babies diapers, which were
> the same age cuz we were pregnant at the same time and i
> told her so quickly "it's ok, i know what that's like, I've
> been there before and done those things." Which was shocking
> and unbelievable to anyone who knew me there and then. I was
> very modest and godly. And i asked her if she had been
> abused and she had. God saved me from that. I once gave a
> ride to that nephew. We talked and i felt this intense pain
> that was so familiar to me. I wanted so badly to reach out
> and share my healing with him. I gave him my number to call
> me when he was done to get picked up. I didn't realize it or
> write my name on it or think about it again. I started
> praying for him. Never saw him or anything. I didn't hang
> out with my friend  because i was so very busy and we
> lived different lifestyles. I cried for him once while
> praying intensely. Somehow i believe that formed a bond in
> the spirit. He texted me weeks later to ask whose number it
> was that he found in his wallet. I really was so joyful to
> think God had opened this line of communication. I texted
> with him, but he said it had to be a secret because of his
> reputation with my friend and her bf, and because his
> situation was precarious as it was with them. I told him i
> didn't keep secrets and my husband would know, but i
> wouldn't tell his people. Once i came over and said loudly
> in front of his uncle "Remember when i gave you my number to
> pick you back up? Text me sometime and I'll send you such
> and such YouTube video about the giants and the bible". Then
> at least it wouldn't be a secret. Unfortunately, the uncle
> was playing video games and didn't hear. Secrets are bad for
> me, for any child of God. Which i am in a way ashamed of
> saying. Because of what comes next. I became divided in my
> heart. I texted with this"boy" every day for awhile. I told
> him why i do not become friends with men(my history) and i
> told him my testimony. We texted good morning and good night
> every day. Once when i came over i got to sit with him and
> see him, which i never did before because he had always been in
> his room during my short visits. Apparently i "looked" at
> him in a special way. Which maybe i did because i was thrilled in
> the most innocent way to be able to connect more. However, I didnt mean anything inappropriate by it. I love all
> people because they are created by God. I really showed that
> in my life and practiced loving people on a high level. I
> loved him. I shouldn't have texted with a man because i had
> that guard over my heart for a good reason. He noticed my
> look to me almost immediately after i left. Said "what did i
> get myself into, what are you going after?" Apparently i
> looked at him like a girlfriend would. I didn't mean to, I
> didn't realize it. I showed my husband the text messages
> when he got home and we talked about it. He told me the guy
> was probably wanting that and trying to make me think that.
> The text messages showed he was shocked that I would tell my
> husband I "looked" at another man. I texted that he knew my
> heart and I could never hide anything from him. He said he'd
> never do it and is not a home wrecker and if I had been
> trying to move on him he would have felt like telling my
> husband himself. Probably because he was afraid he really
> would see them. After showing my husband I wasn't sure if I
> should continue taking to him. Something wicked happened in
> me that night. I chose to keep taking to him despite my
> tugging in my heart that Knew better. I kept talking to him
> and in fact became intrigued with him. Started to be more
> playful and funny instead of just loving and trying to
> witness as the opportunities came. I began to delete certain
> messages and I responded to his hinting of sexual
> frustration with questions. Questions that were none of my
> business. And when it came up that maybe my husband wouldn't
> like us talking about that we swore to secrecy. He said he
> wouldn't pursue me, and he would only respond to my
> questions. And he would never touch me(not that we would
> ever ever have a chance to between my kids and his
> situation). We weren't even really taking dirty to each
> other at that point, just talking about inappropriate
> things. It slowly grew into more inappropriate and I was
> soon deleting most of the messages, leaving only a few
> innocent ones to carry the pretense of friendship. I got
> distracted to say the least.  Distracted from my duties
> and role of mother, teacher, and wife. My sex life with my
> husband was still wonderful, I didn't feel lacking. I did
> feel lonely at times and hadn't realized it because of my
> husband working and the way life can become a grind. I was
> stuck in a routine rut. I can see so many things now that
> built up to this. I was responsible for so many things and
> people and I didn't take time for myself. I was pregnant
> again also. I didn't realize the pressure I was feeling. Not
> justifying my actions, just reflecting on what possibly
> could have led to such an extreme as adultery. I got to the
> point of meeting him at his work and we had sex in my car. I
> had sex with him again about a week later when my friend
> asked me to help her take her boys to school because they
> missed the bus and they're wasn't enough room in the car for
> all our kids, so I waited at the house and my kids played
> outside. We had not planned that. He pretty much stopped
> texting me after that day. I had gotten to this point over
> time and wearing away of the guard that was on my heart. I
> wanted to reach out and love this person with godly love,
> but it turned into lust and I disregarded my moral compass.
> My heart deceived me, it is deceitful above all things. Thus
> the pain I felt when he cut it off so abruptly. I was
> devastated, crushed, hurt. Then the guilt in top of that. I
> betrayed the one person who gave me dignity. I betrayed my
> children. I betrayed my king. I am a fallen woman. The
> consequences of my stumbling are still playing out, the
> crumbling bricks of the family and home we built still
> tumbling. I told my husband. I was waiting to tell him,
> looking for a good time and opportunity. There never is a
> good time for that. I looked on the internet for how to
> tell. Wait til you have time, do out in absolute privacy,
> ect. He rhetorically asked me "when's the last time either
> of us went outside our relationship for that (sex)?" I broke
> down right there and told him, we were alone at home in the
> evening. Kids in bed. He knew who it was of course before
> the name even left my lips. We have been suffering the
> consequences. He has obviously suffered alot from me
> breaking his heart again, and we are realizing that we never
> addressed these things before, we buried them under the
> foundation of our "new" marriage since meeting the LORD. Our
> life is falling apart, people who looked up to us don't know
> what to think. He may divorce me, but is very unsure. I told
> him I will follow him in whatever decision he makes. I
> stumbled and have not made this into my lifestyle. We lost
> his job, have taken on 6 family members into our 2 bedroom
> while they look for a place here in WV. They moved from CO
> because of us, to be with us because we are so strong and
> godly and stable. I ruined a lot. Let alot of people down.
> It hurts way more than I ever thought I could bear. I
> confessed to the pastors wife at the church I was teaching
> at and have resigned there and at the co op I was teaching
> at. Many people know this time, and before we buried it all
> and no one knew. Now everyone knows because I can't bear the
> deceit to people who believed how godly I was. It's almost
> like the devil is laughing that I never really changed. But
> I know I did because  I am not the same person. I can't
> keep in that sin. I don't know how I could do it. The only
> thing that ever freed me before was compete honesty and
> that's a thing you cannot fake. I got scabies, poison ivy,
> razor burn all at the same time. Consequences. He said I should go to CO
> for awhile to help the family that moved with us to drive in
> and give us a break and time to think. My punishment is so
> great. So heavy and I know I deserve it. He cannot be close
> to me right now, which I understand. But we haven't been
> apart since we began and I feel like a child alone and
> scared and really really wish I had a time machine. My baby
> is due soon. I don't know how to keep our family together
> when I was the foolish woman who tore it apart with her very
> own hands. He isn't sure if we should continue being married
> since this is the one thing the bible excuses divorce for.
> It's awful for both of us. The aftermath is devastating.
> Lost everything (maybe) for nothing. Not only did I not
> witness to this boy, I showed him the opposite of God. I
> demonstrated the power of sin, not the power of holiness and
> righteousness. So now if he burns in hell, it's possibly
> because I was a hypocrite. I've become the worst thing:
> adulteress. And our beautiful marriage will be over. The
> work we were doing for the LORD will be over. Everything
> beautiful and redeeming about our story is smashed. Our
> children.... Will be broken. I didn't think through how very
> shattered everything would become when I selfishly pursued
> my own lust with another lost and hurting person. I wanted
> to heal him and make him feel better, but only God can do
> that. Not a woman. And I have no power to heal my own
> husband because I am the one who hurt him. I have tried so
> hard to be the perfect wife and love him and respond to his
> every need. To make up for the wrong I did before. To
> perfect my skills at everything in the house, and to grow
> and love our children. To become valuable as a woman, an
> asset, a jewel. I have broken my crown and came tumbling
> down. No way to recover. He doesn't know what to do because
> he never wanted to experience this again, and he also sees
> the value in our family. He loves me so much that he is more
> hurt by me being gone than by what I did. It's really hard
> for him to make a decision. So I'm just being patient, even
> though it's awful to wait and expect a divorce or an effort
> to rebuild. With the family living with us, and our rented
> home about to be sold to someone else, and his job closing,
> and the  house we bought that needs a lot of work to be
> livable, there is to much going on for us to be able to
> reasonably split. So maybe he will divorce me at tax season
> when he has enough money. Until then I will try to be
> valuable and serve him in any way I can right now. Focus
> again on my children and my home. Try to heal the brokenness
> in my heart and fix whatever led to that terrible judgement
> call. I will never let the guard on my heart down again.
> Even if he divorces me. I don't want that life ever again
> that I lived before. I know I am still a child of God, thus
> all the chastisement in my body. A righteous man stumbles
> seven time but each time gets back up. I hope somehow our
> story can be used by Him, although I don't see how right
> now. So here we hang in the balance of time, the decision
> resting on his shoulders and so many lives waiting on
> it.


Thank you for voting.


Saturday, August 26, 2017 12:38 AM

In your story I count an enormous amount of sentences starting with I. I think you are a rather selfish person thinking the whole world only revolves around you. It is all about you isn't it. You have cheated on your husband no less than 7 times. This makes me think that you have issues. How on earth can you ask your husband to trust you when you have betrayed his trust seven times. If I were your husband I would not put up with this. He deserves better. About your story, lady you are full of it.

Tuesday, September 5, 2017 12:16 AM

I would drop your ass like a bad penny. You have proven time and again you can not be trusted. There should be no 8th fucking chance for you. you shouldnt even have gotten the second chance you were given. Despite all you bullshit godliness your a cheap slut. To your husband; drop this bitch and stop being such a pathetic cuck, she will never be faithful she has proven that, you cant trust her she has proven that, she doesnt love you she has proven that too. 

Thursday, September 7, 2017 7:58 AM


Thursday, September 7, 2017 8:14 AM

Hi, I read your story last night and have thought about it often today.  I feel for you, and please feel free to dismiss my comments if you don't feel that they apply.

You are a wonderful person, and obviously you want to do the right thing.  You've fallen, and it hurts.  We all have, and it is supposed to hurt.  So many of us find ways to avoid the pain that is necessary for healing to begin, that it never does.  The very fact that you feel pain--I think--indicates that you sincerely value what's right.

Next: You care about your Lord--you mention him many times.  Recall his purpose--which is precisely for moments like these.  True faith is to give yourself to him--and you have tried.  Perhaps truer still is to sincerely believe him--that his atonement was for you too.  For this moment.  You've fallen and will fall again--still he will forgive you.  Follow his lead and forgive yourself!

I hope you and your husband find a way to heal.  If you both choose to do so, I'm certain your relationship can grow to become even stronger than before.  If not, sadly he will lose a partner that cares so much about her marriage that she is willing to humble herself during the hardest times and seek forgiveness rather than grow bitter.

I apologize if I'm way off base.  I don't know you from Adam, my understanding is only obscure, and my words can't possibly be a salve.  But a salve exists, and is well within your grasp.  You were built to be happy!

Monday, October 9, 2017 12:38 AM

Your a girl that's in denial. It's obvious that you love cock. I feel like if we met in person I'd have your pussy full of my cum by the end of the night. Long story short your loose. A slut.  Can't put it any other way. You should divorce him so you can fuck as many men as you want. I'm pretty sure you look good and are good in bed so why cheat? 

Thursday, November 2, 2017 11:17 PM

Nothing wrong with what you did. Its the norm, most people are liars and cheats. The men you fucked knew you were weak and prayed on you. It's so rear to find geniune people to be around. Get a divorce or have an open marriage, your never going to be faithful or loyal to anyone but your impulses. Most people, when given the choice will do the wrong thing, if it seems like there will be no consequences. 

Monday, November 20, 2017 11:51 PM



Saturday, December 16, 2017 12:26 AM

Talk to him

Same as mine.

Same situalition

I can relate

I chose to be single bu i wanted peace in mi d to im tryng to be friends with them


Saturday, December 16, 2017 12:30 AM

Kaya mo yan.

Ako nga napatawad ko.pero mas pi ili kong maging ganto

Hindi na ko babalik.

Pero ung pagmamahal walang pagpapago.

Kaya mo yan.


Ako nga pla si 102387

Kilalla kita 030289


Para ky 1118 


Para di mahirapan.

Maging mgkybigaan mayo

Tuesday, May 8, 2018 1:28 PM

wow your a selfish cheating whore, your husband is fucking stupid. all you do is cheat, time goes by you cheat again, lies and cheating thats you.

Sunday, June 17, 2018 6:31 AM

I hate these stories where the wife says she loves her husband but i screw other guys. You dont love him. You go to this guys work to "make love". You betrayed your husband. I shouldn't throw stones but i feel like it is me you betrayed.

Sunday, June 17, 2018 11:36 PM

You know you whitewashed the sex part. Women don't just cheat they betray thier husbands. Men cheat on thier wives that is not the same. Not saying it allowed but a woman will tell the other man he is bigger then her husband while sucking his cock. Or have him cum on her lips and she goes home to kiss her lovers cum on her husbands lips. She thinks its funny. Or tell her lover her husband is stupid for not figuring this out. So what was your beyrayal. Have him cum on your wedding ring. 

Thursday, June 21, 2018 9:07 AM

cheating is what it says . man or woman what makes you think its not bad for a man to cheat but its terrible when a woman cheats. you more likely eat your girl friends pussy then go home and kiss your wife you dam fool. if some of you men would keep your wife happy in the bed room she would not stray away for another mans cock. what makes you think all women tell there lover that he is bigger . and if the man only had a 3 inch cock and used it correctly on his wife she would not cheat. cock size is in your head.75 percent of married men just want to drain there nuts in there wife and role over and go to sleep. you are the reason wifes cheat.coment girls am i right. a small cock feel good and will relieve you .


Friday, July 6, 2018 7:42 AM

i got a hard-on reading your story! you grew up with a lifestyle and its still there. You just being you. Sex in the car is proof of that. but on the religous side of things, you want that the most. Go ahead and fuck. Its great!

Sunday, July 29, 2018 9:10 AM

i want to say the wife that you do not love your husband. you are not sstisfied with him. so let him divorce you so that you can do as your choise. he is a person to be loved. you can not be a perfect wife how much you try. and also you should not be with your children .because what would they learn from you?cheating their partners??

Tuesday, August 7, 2018 4:12 PM

You've been hurt in life. You clearly stated that the issues from the past were not dealt with once you came to the Lord. This was a breeding ground for problems in the future. Ignore the hateful comments as these people do not know the Lord. Ignore the hateful things you may receive from some church people including leaders because not all are filled with the love of God and wanting to bring restoration. You need deliverance from your past demons and also you need inner healing. Until that door is completely closed the devil will always be trying to come back to cause problems even if years down the road. If you cut the weed off at the ground and still leave the root, the weed will grow back again. You need to pull up the root causing you these problems. Whatever that or those root/s is/are whether unforgiveness, trauma, abuse, past sins and deliverance from demonic influence, unhealed wounds, etc. -- the root needs to be pulled up and killed. Many times a bandaid is applied when deep surgery is required in the spirit realm. Allow God to do deep surgery on your heard; He still loves you very much. Be aware of His Love. Jesus is still there. 

Friday, October 26, 2018 1:39 AM

thank you so much for being with me despite your new and young husband.   i appreciate all the things you did for me.  i just wouldnt have been able to ask someone i resepct to do those things.  i wish we'd had a vid-cam or something ... cause since then, i just have never seen somone getting off so much from bent over by strangers.


Bless you for recognizing me and giving me your cell #.  we all are looking forward to seeing you again this Friday night.

Friday, December 14, 2018 9:27 AM

First off: congratulations to you. You had the strength to follow your true heart. Every day you live is one less you have from a total and unchangeable quota. So well done for using them in the way you really felt like. People who can't do that will always whinge and judge to those that can.

Secondly, I would be proud to be your partner. Knowing that you are very physical, not afraid to work hard, fertile and able to build a family, sexy and honest. I would support you in your hobby as I am not jealous nor faithful nor

clingy. Don't be afraid to be who you are whilst you have the chance. Again, well done. 

Friday, July 5, 2019 5:28 AM

I met [email protected] (hotmail). com on net that claimed he can help me out.He helped me bring my lover back and after some few days i noticed that my man came back to me with so much love for me. We are happily back now. people with similar problems can contact him.........👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Tuesday, November 12, 2019 9:59 AM

Dear Lady. I am a believer, too. I was deeply impressd by your honesty. The rightious person falls seven times and stands up again. I hope you are going to be strong and stand firm, for he who endures to the end shall be saved. I highly recomend for you to keep honest and konfess sin. I pray for you dear lady. I had tears reading your Story!

I bless you in the name of the Lord Jesus.

if there are more issues I might pray, write me an E-Mail: [email protected]

Wednesday, December 9, 2020 2:55 PM

I have a quite large dick. When my wife of many years was 16, we first slept together. She had no idea of size at the time. I went balls deep in her pussy and she came immediately. Every time I went deep I could feel her cervix. At 16 she was a sexual animal. We fucked four times a day for two months. I have no need to cheat on her since she can still fuck me silly. 

Monday, December 28, 2020 9:11 PM


Saturday, January 8, 2022 1:25 PM
I do know the Lord and I will tell you what Jesus said to a deciple that asked him about forgiveness. when asked if my brother or sister ( meaning other people did me wrong) should I forgive him/her 7 times and Jesus said yes and 70x7 but what he says in other scriptures about asking forgiveness is God won't forgive you unless you repent and change your ways. So cheaters who just keep doing it will never be forgiven and will spend eternity in Hells fire. For the ones cheated on who must forgive as you will not be forgiven either if you don't. Yes I know this is hard in reality but forgiving doesn't mean staying with that person just move on and consider it a lesson you needed to learn in life. I have been there and it took me 20+ years to even consider what I have just said above but it now feels like a very large weight has been lifter from my shoulders.
Saturday, January 8, 2022 3:26 PM
Being the person on the other side of the relationship and a believer as well the only advise I can give is to tell your husband all of the details even the ones you dont want to because it will eat him day and night if you dont I've been where he is at and the only way to heal is for the dagger to be removed completely with no pieces left to fester. Be completely honest with all the details my wife to this day has not and it is still an open wound because of it.
Monday, January 31, 2022 9:22 PM
Yes, I let other men fuck me I just did not see any other way to get the sex I need as a bipolar after in 2000 I came home from the millennials in Munich Germany to a husband very angry, that I had not stood with him against the rest of the community that wanted him to stay and work then take his time off starting the week after the holidays, He had 25-year experience and UAW seniority in his department and plant and the only way he could be made to stay and work the Millennials was by the community good old boy system using their ability to manipulate the county to put my husband in Jail without charges for the three weeks following the 23rd of December, Where he would be taken out of his cell at 730 am and be back in it at 1 am till the 6th of January to allow me , his father, mother, and sister. to find a place to have his holidays with the two months he had not used the last summer, that was the last judicial order used legally to deny him time off because he went right into his fathers and the courts teeth in enlisting the aid of the ACLU. I remember when his father found out in September that a federal court stomped on the local court about its ruling my husband and other military returnees would not use the contracts provisions because military returns were so disruptive in the community. In my husband's return in 1985 he returned under the contract's provisions with his full seniority of 9 and a half years, it took me yelling that there would not be as any sex until he was willingly cooperative that the girl, he was bumping with his 9 and a half years seniority might have only six months, but she had important parents and since she had been a homecoming queen in her high school just nine months before and they did not want he social life to be ruined by being sent to second shift just so he could get off seconds and the highest overtime. We were nearly hit in that discussion by a 200-pound table he threw at us, instead we saw pieces of it flying through the back door me his father and two women just dove out of the two women were the mother and daughter that were pleading my husband leave her on first shift. That was the first judicial order that stopped him from doing as he pleased with the contract and its seniority provisions. Two years almost to the day I had made a promise that if he gave up his seniority vacation slot and his cooperate gift for ten years' service to the company and military and just gave his trip to Rome to the same girl so she could marry. I even sign and the promise notarized that upon my and the rest of the group that was going he would be paid for his trip since he was not going to give it as a wedding gift, I would go on any vacation he chose under any conveyance and any place he wanted, that I would be the willing wife, sex partner and travel companion. I had hoped the return from Rome would be a man willing to discuss the vacation he was going to take with me. The family and group discused the least disruptive time he could take and where I could suggest going after talking to a travel agent that spoke English, We had a long list of destinations in the tropics we could go to in January to stay out of the vacations that everyone else had planned as well as the holidays, He was ready to leave with his van packed tents and sleeping bags and a air mattress if we could not find hotels or motels on the trip He had the state and national parks marked on several routs he could take on a six week road trip after he went on the roundup with his grandfather and the tri state rodeo over the fourth, It was not my idea of a nice vacation, I presented my list with his mother saying his grandfather had wanted to see him since the Army. He should go and have some fun I could spend time with her mother and she would fly there and back. His father was screaming about everyone his vacation would displace Why couldn't he wait and drive west in January or the holidays we were suggesting and stay out of the community's way. My husband ended up without the divorce he filed because I would not keep my promise for the reason, I was not letting him ruin someone Elses vacations by bumping them with his seniority. I was put on a bus the same day t my mothers with a letter that said he was returning me in the same condition I was in the morning of our wedding, it drove a wedge in our relationship. Since I am bipolar there was also a guardianship she would have had to assume in the divorce. She would not take it and the divorce was refused by the court and she made me go back to my husband. The same judge said he was tired of a damn union contract creating the have it did in the community. He had to start with a least cooperative union member and my husband was to wait until he decided what he could do My husband walked out yelling he had only contempt for the lot of us, go ahead and throw him in jail, he would be fired and I would no longer be under the only reason we were still married he would be on the road the day he was released. and would not tell any of us where he was. The sheriff made sure he was at work again that evening. I was with my mother looking for the house I would live in the next 24 years with a husband in the next room that despised me and the entire community in 2000 was the final straw when he did not care who wanted what from him. He got out of the jail after ruining the judge and the sheriffs' lives, He also ruined the union leadership for not protecting his and other seniority rights, then upon Returning from the Millennials, I did have a hope of getting him to take me for two weeks I had arranged at a B and B Four hours to the north as a arranged peace offering for making him work the holidays because he was supposed to have it off by union contract. I arrived to a Christmas gift of a box of dog shit his mother and father arrived to a gift of what he thought of them using him as a slave to improve their social standing, He offered to let his father whip him with a bull whip while tied to an old wagon wheel or yelling did, we want to get our cross to burn while wearing our pointy cowls and sheet to hang him by the light of our burning cross. His mother since watching him flatten two deputies before we left then slammed a heavy glass ashtray of his father's head His holiday was really lousy because his son had been made to work after refusing the holiday canvase. When it would have been far easier just to finally accept taking his time off in January after I had begged him since 1998 to just try it one time to keep hid father and the community happy, He did not have to spit in everyone's face to at least get a few days off by just agreeing to terms., it was the next year he sent messages to stay out of his way or bleed, People would order him to do as they wanted and he sent them to the hospital. He got to liking seeing broken and bleeding people when he was interfered with. The union and company even sent him to a mental health doctor who blamed us for his problem about trying what was suggested about doing his holidays in a different way about just not going through seniority In 1999 I was accompanied by a city councilman my age, After the cussing out and curse my husband laid on us about hoping our flight would go down in flames I ended up drunk and on top of him in my bed at the inn thinking i could not have made the man i was supposed to be with my husband any meaner. Both his mother and I had bad arguments with his father about the respect my husband had to start showing or he was never getting time off, he deserved nothing until he showed that respect towards the social order instead of try and crash it. On February 5th, 2013, my husband came home after three years relearning to walk and use his hands. He had decided the year before that I was going to do exactly as he wanted, and his father was going to keep out of it or die. First, he destroyed my second affair partner even worse than the first and ended up in the regional mental health where his father felt he should go to the state hospital for the criminally insane because of the beating he delivered on my last lover that put him in a upper body cast and a plate holding his skull together and several screws in his jaw for sweeping my husband's cane in my husbands living room that morning we came back and he was waiting. We found that the greatest way he had to hurt was gathering information on those that had interfered with him. In 2003 was two of them The Ireland trip was over the fourth we had one man wanting to go and introduce his kids to their great grandparents still in Ireland. But he could not get a vacation slot till February of two weeks. Again, I was caught between him and his father, I stole his passport the night before leaving and left a note it would be returned on Christmas, but he could find something else to get him some time off after the new year, In the note I begged him not to cause trouble over seniority rights that time, We did not go home from the airport, he dragged his father out of the suburban, licked him in the head and kept dragging him into the bank yelling his property would be returned and he was damned tired of his father getting in the way of his time off, I was crying and begging he could just find something after the new year, nobody that year would interfere with his taking the holidays off. I was very sorry I gave his passport to his father, and his trip was canceled, and he was made to work the 22 years in a row since our wedding. His whole department had to work both labor day and thanksgiving, Our deacon claimed a church exemption for both holidays and then tried to claim it since he had lied about what the exemption was for it was so he could sleep with his mistress without his wife knowing who was our church secretary My husband had taken the pictures by long range lens on his canon EF 35mmMy husband was dealing with a new foreman outsourced from another company who felt because he did not work for my husband's company the contract did not have to be followed, the committeeman was on vacation and a substitute hoping to run for the position was a substitute that also attended our church. My husband's foreman turned down his request for the week before the 23rd of December of but granted the younger seniority from one day to four off then in a yelling match told my husband he cared less what his right to that holiday off he was to just shut up and go to work over the holidays he would be better paid than he was He had people in the community calling him telling him to keep him on the job and take the next two months off starting on his birthday just use part of that as his holidays. That foreman left his shift not finding his car until he was told to lookup his car was hanging over the edge of the roof and had to be craned down on the 23rd. the police talked to my husband, but he did not admit he put it there and nobody else would talk to them many feeling my husband's rights had again been stomped on. I stayed away on Christmas eve thinking that let him cool for a day then talk to him before his shift on Christmas morning. I told him over his Christmas morning breakfast a bowl of rice Chex just try it their way one time on his birthday we would have a nice breakfast out Have both his Christmas and birthday the same day with a full dinner like it was Christmas and we could go from there to try and find a way to a peaceful life without the union contract getting in the way of what was really needed in the community. He had gutted the counties rule of law because he felt abused by the favor giving judge as with those at work, they were just trying to get some way to give everyone their needs and he was caught at the bottom of that argument until he destroyed someone because he had not had a day off in decades that was his own fault since he would not try what was suggested and we could start with the 5th of January 2003, his 48th birthday could be the start of peace and not bloodshed over his rights. Please be the start of a new era of understanding and peace, He got up rinsed his bowl out and put it in the rack. Just tod me i could take his father and go to hell, He said he hoped the show at church was interesting and found his father and mother out in the drive waiting to take me to breakfast and church his father found his windshield cracking in thermal shock from his son urinating on it as he screamed piss on you his mother cried and had his father take her home. He spray washed the froze urine off his car and was getting his windshield replaced the next day. At church our pastor met us and told us my husband had been at the midnight service and as a full family he needed to talk to us. His father told him to get him to take the time from his birthday on and we would talk on his birthday. We saw the deacon and his wife put their kids and take their seats on the dais. She picked a folder up and looked in it and just dropped it crying then she gathered her kids and walked out with the deacon saying he could explain when he saw the photos it was the show my husband promised, the ruination of a man's life and family because we had backed him off first a vacation in the summer then using collusion backed him off the promised holidays. then that Forman said don't think he could even have the time off after the new year he was to just shut his damn mouth and work and his father, and the deacon and committeeman agreed after seeing him cuss his foreman out and dared him to discipline him when he sued him and his company. They discovered over the next three weeks what his investigations would bring. The morning after Christmas my mother and father-in-law and the local union president were waiting in the living room to ask what it would take to stop any more hurt after seeing him out our deacon about his philandering in front of the congregation. My husband said to that union official just stop screwing him over and keeping him enslaved. He might want to look at what the national union sent him about his being forced to work again after the last union involvement over seniority rights that union president was pleading, he would act immediately to punish the committeeman who had not looked at the seniority my husband had as for me i was again the wicked witch of the west and his father was a louse the company got into it demanding the replacement of that foreman. he was recalled to the warehouse told he could pick parts or find a new job going from 53000 a year down to 22000, His fiancé dropped their engagement when he decided to go to work on oil riggs in the gulf she wanted to stay near her parents. When the divorce came through from Texas for our Ex-deacon On Christmas morning 2005 he put a shotgun between his knees and pushed the trigger after he was informed, he was terminated for getting to work drunk. My husband left that morning punching his father in the mouth for saying it was what he deserved along with the three shotguns pointed at his back. He just needed to start understanding after everything he had fought about his son had no more rights seniority or by law and he had created an air of chaos when it would have been just so easy to just use other options instead of continuing to hate. The next election the committeeman that had been the substitute did not get a second for the ballot, and found he was not running. The only life left that was one involved with getting my husband to work another full year without the times he wanted and had a right to. I was again reduced to crying that he could just try the January time I had already found places we could go on short notice on the 5th of January 2006 and I would even cancel my trip to Scandinavia if he would just try the January time one time as a gesture of peace towards everyone I knew he was now 50 but he still had 20 years to work until retirement, why couldn't he just look for ways to please instead of break heads after 25 years hadn't his stubborn nature just got him the next day at work when he could try two and a half months starting in January and there could be a hatchet buried in something other than a head and my husband could get a rest in 2009 he had past his 34 year mark was heading for 35 years It was going to be 24 years since he returned from the navy and 28 years since his last day off. I went flying across the room for going behind his back and cancelling his double berth for him and me on the orient express to get the county councils president's son a berth for his honeymoon on the orient express. My husband wanted to feel both of us in his hands as we died. then he got Sick with MRSA in his spine because his immune system failed because he just would not find a way to be happy just doing his job three years later, he was home after other trouble just trying to get him to think about a way to benefit society and the family and discovered I was sleeping with an old boyfreind that he nearly killed over what amounted to a bad joke when his cane was swept His father told his mother he just should have let his social superior do as he wanted. A week after we were told the director of the mental health had sent the DA his finding of abuse of an adult over an extended period, I was getting ready to go with his mother and father and his father's best friend when the mental health angry we did not bring him home four days before used his insurance to send him in a taxi. I was facing down a man that now did not care what happened as long as he had his way, he tore my dress and underwear off and had his way hurting me as I screamed no I would have him charged with rape. he Dared me to do it since he was my money support. It was not the way I felt a husband should be about sex even if I had not allowed it for decades, I just had wanted him to find some way to get along without causing pain. I just did not see what I had done so wrong, it was just sex and stopping him in his seniority choices for 28 years. I felt he could have tried other things for jobs and shifts, Taken the suggested time off. He just had to take the leftover jobs and shifts. In 2013 he had his way with me screaming no then went after everything his father believed was society, My husband's crusade was ended on Christmas 2014 with my front door slamming me a second time across the living room like 2001 a horse in the living room a lasso around his father's neck one of the men that forced him out of the house at gunpoint was on his knees crying he just wanted him to see his behavior was abhorrent to having good manners a 30 30 was pointed square between his eyes and his father would have had a broken neck the second my husband took off on his horse I just stayed underneath the door and my husband said any one that didnt like him eating his holiday meal at his table was free to find someplace else My friends did not even get to the table and left in fear because I had handed my husband his dinner plate and told him if he wanted seconds just come to the kitchen door and I would get it for him to take back to his workshop Since I had spent my first Christmas with my son on the east coast and my husband spent it alone in Wyoming Hè had roasted a praie hem for his dinner had finished putting the room my mother was going to stay in with a Tempur-Pedic He had installed a lot of safety rails for bth him and my mother We returned to Wyoming on his 58th birthday He shaved the next day. Was the best father doing everything from helping keep everything out of the way for his first steps. and making sure he knew safty around machinery and horses when he started trying to pet the horses. Taught him being good to his dog was better than pulling on his ears and tail and now the dog follows within a step and waits outside when we go into Cheyann shopping. is all tail wags when he sees his boy. by the time he was in first grade he could do complex ewquations thanks to his father recognize every dangerous animal even taught to swim in the creek, Was always in front of the computer looking and searching the skies with his father and could name the constellations and major stars and planets. His father took him on hikes even though they left him worn out when Parkinson's entered its third stage, I finally had to stop them mnd Rays had to take over feeding and waterng Bart, Betty and the dog the delusions in 2018 were terrible but when my last affair partner showed up at the end of August 2018. My husband knelt and told his son to listen to Mommy and do well in school and then rode off for the cabin. I knew when he arrived five days later worrying, he had died on the trail since it normally took two days, He had just rested for two days at midway falls shed. Used the old mpwer to cut the grass to the pool edge. I think he debated letting the horses loose and just jumping from the top of the next falls not into a pool but 59 feet into rocks I told my best friend who had purchased a double wide up the road after her husband died of throat cancer except for a son and her 13 year old daughter she had nothing to keep her in the Midwest, She got angry with me about letting a man nearly in stage four Parkinsons that took so much in medication go by himself to a remote place, She got a tour Helio pilot to fly her there to care for my husband since she was a retired LPN My husband had installed a cable lift in 2013 she found that he had become dehydrated and was not able to get out of the lift cage when she got there In her bags she called a nedical unit and got permission to get him on a d5w drip. She got him strong enough to bath in the hot spring feed stone tub he had put in She watched as he got in stage four his wheelchair was flown up. I took our son up over Christmas 2018 with the gifts my husband wanted bought along the pilot and my friend chose a tree and had set up and decorated with what his uncle had left. Our son was ecstatic at seeing his father, but he was so weak he could hardly concentrate I took my son back for the next semester wondering when I was going to hear my husband was dead, the last day of school my son could not wait to get to the cabin to see daddy we arrived before memorial day weekend 2019 to a husband confined to a wheelchair with several IVs prescribed in tri month lots and in my husband's port in his chest His son landed in his lap and my husband just hung on to him On June third my husband's lift system got him up to the upper deck to feed a golden eagle the mice caught in traps around the house, My son went with him, and the Eagle started screaming I started to head up when my son stopped me and told us that daddy fell off his seat and he could not wake daddy. we food him dead with rigor already starting, my friend hit the emergency transponder and several Air life EMTs got him in the heilo to take for autopsy and cremation, my friend took me and showed me when we returned with the urn where he had arranged to be interred and was arranging to put up dozens of people for the ride ins and air lifts the Army flew a honor guard and bugler in while my son and I sealed the rock shelf in with a epoxy mixed with the granite taps was played after a eulogy read by his union chaplain. My 8-year-old son feels still I caused daddy to leave and die, He has a Cheyann girl when Hes back that a constant companion. I have tried schools in both Virginia and the Midwest, and my son always hated them. Larceny his dog also dislikes nay where else Always wanting to go to the cabin and his aunt and uncle and my friend known as aunt L. My husband did leave a amended will that allows her to live in the cabin in perpetuity am allowed there as is my son the Indian girl with her parents go to mid-way falls and keep it trimmed usually wit my son in tow the kids sleep outside under the watch of the Cheyan parents. I still don't know what I am really doing, I keep the bipolar down with Seroquel hate it because I just don't feel right on it, but it helps when Ray is camping up at midway, I know his dog larceny would also protect him and the girl and there is several bags of dog food there both the kids are in school right now my friend just came down to her house to go shopping and see her daughter flying in from Indiana and I still think my friend is far to good looking for being 63 She says my legs at 57 are far to good Shes still a statuesque at 38 20 36 my figure is 36 23 34. Shes a natural blond I am grey hair started mousy brown. We went int town together today and both of us had men tipping Stetsons to us and asking if we were married and if we weren't would we like to go out If I did not have to be home for my boy I would have. My friend is flying back at weeks end she bought a puppy today, a wymerrunner with all grey coat Larceny just walked around the box growling and when ray came in would not let him go near the box I do know one thing! When my husband came home 36 years ago, I might still have him around and probably other children, My husband father would have been mad at me as well as some of his other friends because my husband would have been out of state, and I would have been jumping his bones I would have made him happy if i just did not try to keep everyone else happy. I chose the wrong battle to fight with him. he was as hard as the steel he worked in and with.

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