I never thought I would be writing this story. I was a woman with integrity, morals and despite being treated like crap over the years by my selfish alcoholic husband, would never cheat on him..and then about a year ago when things were at the worst they'd ever been - my husband, chronically unemployed leaving it all on me to support our family of 5 including three small children, I did. This affair has been going on for a year now. He gave me everything my husband wouldn't, stability, companionship and excitement. He helped me financially and made me feel special again. He was a light in a very dark place that I had known for years. I never ever intended on cheating. It started innocently enough but we started talking more and more and he would come over all the time. Next thing I knew we were meeting at hotels and having sex fairly regularly. My husband and I have not slept together in a couple of years.. there was so much resentment between us that the spark, the passion we once had was and is gone. But I've decided to end the affair. Not because my husband has suddenly become a great guy and a decent father/provider..but because this man is married too and getting caught would ruin two families. I feel so much guilt over this. His wife is not a friend of mine but I do know her and would never want to hurt her. My husband might be a complete schmuck but I don't want to hurt him either. I also don't believe I deserve to just be "the other woman"..no, if it is not going to work out between my husband and I, then I would prefer to find someone unattached who will give me the love and respect and stability that I crave and need. But I want to do it right..end it with my husband for once and for all (we are constantly breaking up and getting back together) and this man is not going to leave his wife for me,,and I don't want him to. Like I said, I have no interest in breaking up his marraige..ive already done enough.. and I just want to move on and try to put this behind me. I have a feeling I am not the first woman he has cheated with. And I don't want to get hurt because I do have feelings for him but not enough to destroy lives over. He was good to me but the affair has run its course. He is changing lately and I think he feels the same way. From now on I'm going to make myself "busy" and just unavailable...he will understand what I am doing and it should end peacefully. But I won't carry this on anymore. In the end I'm ending up alone and just as miserable as I was before. Happiness cannot come from someone else, it has to come from within. He helped me out a LOT with money to help support my kids. He was a close companion who I could talk for hours to. But in the end he is not mine and never will be. It was never supposed to be like this, I made a mistake and i won't ever do it again. I just want to put it all behind me and hopefully one day I will meet a man who I can fall in love with and who will be the right one for me. I don't believe my husband and I will last. I don't think there is anything there between us anymore..obviously not because otherwise this would have never happened. happy people don't have affairs. Desperate, sad and hopeless people do though. And karma has bit me in the ass for doing it. I am just empty and hopeless right now. And I guess I deserve to feel shitty after being so deceitful for the last year even though my husband did everything possible to drive me away. It still was up to ME to make the right choices and I didn't. I've learned a lot though and will never put myself into that position again. I will never be the "other woman" again. I deserve a proper loving relationship with a man I can build a future with--not one based on lies and deciet. If your a woman reading this thinking about having an affair, my advice is don't! It's just not worth it in the end.