We met in 2012, after being in a bad previous relationship I thought he was different, we meet through a mutual friend and hit it off pretty good ,I thought to myself,"finally a man I see a good future with,"the first year was amazing. He gave all the love,attention I could ask for .I really was madly in love with him .there was times where I would cry to him and pour my heart out.telling him I was scared I'll get hurt again.telling him how much I love him and how happy I was to be with him.I really thought I had what every real women wants,fast forward to the beginning of 2014 I find out I'm pregnant .it was a planned pregnancy and I knew he'll be happy when I tell him we're expecting. I tell him we're both happy .or atleast I was .during the first months things got bad .we began fighting and he began leaving me .saying he was leaving cause its too much drama.keep in mind I'm pregnant and stressing me was no good .he would leave me alone for days and me begging him to come home .I guess he forgot I was having his baby and needed to go to docotrs appointments also. He returned and we were some what good. We then find out were expecting a girl!!!I was so happy as we both wanted a little princess who will be daddy's little girl .then again problems came he leaves for days again. I too the point where I don't understand why hes putting me through all these .he would start fights and leave .there's not saying the tears I cried .the sleepless nights I had .I couldn't even get myself to eat .I was so depressed I wanted to die .being pregnant and being put through that did me no good I cried sleep an hour and wake up crying .he'll call here and there and never bothered to show up .I just couldn't put the pieces of what was happening .I the illusion I had for him .pooof gone I couldn't take it no more .I began hating men .I hated loving him .getting to know him.  I felt foolish in believing he was diffrent from my ex's.he came back eventually we had our daughter and he was actually changing but I couldn't get fooled again .i kept my gaurd up .when my daughter was a few months old we got into an argument he didn't leave that night .I slept in the living room to give us some space .as I was remembering /thinking of why we even got to where we we're something .my gut told me to check his old phone .it was already disconnected .I look trough call history. Nothing .text messages nothing again.until I used my mobile hot spot to get WiFi and check his email.I kid you not I had a strong feeling about it .I tried logging in but was unsuccessful until I hacked it .god knows how i did it but I did it .there is where I saw everything that will make me the person I am today .there were emails.accounts. you name it.I was shocked I didn't want to believe it.checking. the days it was while he leave me alone. While I was depressed ,lonely and pregnant .he was looking for fling . For threesome .for affairs with married women .never thought I'll be hurt like this again .I confronted him he denied until I told him the proof is in your emails . He confessed and got apologetic. Don't they all ?.I couldn't see him the same he was a different person. I tried to leave but I'm weak .I love him but I also hate him  .I don't trust him .the trust is dead .there's day where I remember not only the emails but the shit he out me through while pregnant and I get crazy .its funny how he says I the one destroying our relationship yet he did me so wrong while I stayed faithful even till these day still am .why I don't know .maybe I love too much. I still don't understand how I can after everything  .I don't know if I'll ever move on .I just know I want to to be happ . I'm sick and tired if liars,cheaters. I'm a faithful women I know I deserve better but I need help  I'm not happ . Yet u stay for whatever reason